Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Owl Says

Here are a few things I don't give a hoot about.  Let's see if you agree.
  1. Beyonce's baby bump.   The only thing I slightly care about here is that the baby doesn't come out looking like it's ugly ass father.  He must be well hung and eager to please, because I can't see any other reason for hopping in the sack with him.
  2. Kim Kardashian's wedding or any other Kardashian activity.
  3. Sarah Palin's opinion on anything.  Well, except when she weighed in on the skyrocketing price of SlimJims earlier this summer, THAT was news.
  4. Daily updates on the fascinating lives of children.  Let me clarify.  I like children. I do.  But, damn, I don't care if little sweet pea farted and sneezed at the same time or smiled funny at you today.  Save the updates for some real news-  like a teen pregnancy or something involving scandal.
  5. Anything 'Twilight.'  I suffered through the first moving at the urging of a niece.  Holy crap.  It was so bad.  And, Bella, get a life, dear.
  6. Any words that come out of Nancy Grace's pie hole.
  7. Steroids use in cycling.  Quit trying to defend yourself, Lance.  Let it rest.  We know you doped. Everyone in cycling does.
  8. Brangelina.
  9. Reading anything by Jonathan Franzen.
  10. Respecting the religious views of those who don't respect mine.
  11. Keeping my opinions to myself in front of #10.
  12. People who say things like "Keep your government hands off my Medicare."
  13. If my neighbors can see me trotting through the house in my underpants.  If you don't like it, pull your blinds.  They've never complained.
  14. Your healthy eating habits.  I really struggle with mine and would appreciate it if you didn't tell me how much you really crave lettuce. 
  15. Green cleaning products.  I've tried them and until they work as well as traditional cleaning products, I won't use them again.


Kireliols said...

TOTAL agreement with you on numbers one and two- in fact, I wasn't even aware of number one and now thanks to your comments on the father I will have to google to view the ugly for myself.

I promise only to update my status when one of my cats sneezes and farts at the same time. And the dog will only get air time if he speaks.

I did a pre-read of the first three Twilight books and my I hated every page of the 2000 or 4000 or however many pages of drivel I had to read- that woman did NO research other than to channel unfulfilled teenage lust- I sum up my feelings with this: F*ck her or S*uck her already.

Can we add Michelle B. to the list with Palin- really, "forced government injection?" - I had my daughter injected with government since I am not afraid to admit that someday my little angel will have sex- (I won't post that on my facebook page either) and, heaven forbid, she may even WANT to. geesh.

I ate chips and pizza for dinner last night- and I fed the same to my kids- who will probably suffer from gas today...ahhhhhhchooo

BentonQuest said...

Yes, Jay-Z is not something I want to think about "doing it."

I am so totally with you on this post!

Mnmom said...

Right there with you on all of it. I'll only say something if one of my kids fart and blow a hole through a window.

LORD I don't give a rat's ass about anyone feature in PEOPLE columns.

Nontando said...

It's like we share the same brain, I agree with you 100% on all 15 topics. I wish the media would feed us more useful news.

Unknown said...

All but the last one, but that is just to appease my guilt around other eco-responsible failings I have.

Great blog... following now :-)