Crabby Ranting

Watch this. This is our nut bag 6th District state Representative Michele Bachmann. If you have time watch the whole thing. She's a piece of work.

There are so many things to say about Michele Bachmann and her unique brand of paranoia and lunacy. I used to think that she couldn't possibly believe all the lies, hatred and craziness that spew forth from her collagen enhanced lips and that she was a clever, calculating Republican hag. Now, though, I think she is just plain crazy and she does it all in the name of Jesus. Will someone who really believes in Jesus stand up and slap Michele and her lying conservative pals? It should sicken followers of Jesus that Michele and her cohorts wave the Jesus flag then fabricate lies for the American people to keep them in fear of anything that resembles change. Who believes this shit? Oh wait, that's coming up later.

A few notes for Jamie, the young woman who wrote the letter that Bachmann read in that irritating children's story time voice:

1. The clinic did not advise you or give you permission to CHOOSE to be sexually active at age 14. You CHOSE that. The clinic gave you protection- for your personal safety.

2. But, judging by the number of times you CHOSE to go back for the morning after pill, you clearly didn't CHOOSE to use that protection. Sounds like you also CHOSE to sleep with lots and lots and lots of boys. Bad CHOICE.

3. You also CHOSE to ignore the advice of your parents. Although, I'm guessing your parents probably weren't the great parents you paint them to be. Not many girls sleep around at age 14 without something seriously missing in the home. Just saying. Unless, of course, Jamie, you are mentally ill, which might be the case.

4. The clinic staff are not your parents. Your parents needed to take responsibility for parenting you. Too bad they didn't.

5. Don't blame the health clinic that offered you protection from your bad CHOICES for your bad CHOICES. You did it. You own it. Personal accountability- a Republican value- is about taking responsibility for your own CHOICES. Own them, forgive yourself and move on. Don't try to point the finger at anyone for this. There are lots of young girls who are curious about sex, have those feelings and CHOOSE not to. Yes, you were young and probably not in a great position at that age to figure life out, but they were your choices. Move on.

I heard a conservative commentator on NPR talking about all that Michele Bachmann is doing to stimulate the Republican base. Holy shit. Is THAT really what it takes to stimulate the Republican base- fabrication and exaggeration? Then we should all be scared. Who are these people that buy in to this? Watch this:



Listen, folks who believe the never ending stream of bullshit:
1. if a politician- Democrat or Republican- says something that sounds too terrifying to be true it probably is not true. But, if Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity say anything that sounds too terrifying to be true, it definitely is not true.
2. Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are not the news. They are entertainment. They will be the first to tell you that. Believe me, folks, they are laughing at you all the way to the bank. These guys are not stupid men, they just know how to spin people who choose to live in fear of, oh let's say a black president, into a froth.
3. Nazism, Socialism and Fascism are really kind of opposing principles. Fucking look it up. You are viewed by much of the world as MORONS for trying to equate the three.
4. Think for yourself. Can you try it at least? It is entirely possibly for two opposing opinions to have elements of truth. Not all issues are black and white. There exists far more gray in the world than pure black or pure white. You just have to agree to host ambiguity in your brain.
5. Don't be afraid. That black man in the White House won't hurt you.
6. Oh, and that black man hasn't raised your taxes. Quit it. He hasn't. And George Bush likely didn't cut yours either unless you're filthy rich.


Okay. Enough of my bitching for now.

Not If He Were The Last Man On Earth

This man makes me want to buy a gun every time he comes on TV and screams about some great new product. OxiClean and Orange Glo can suck it.

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

(Thanks Al for the title of this post.) I just find the lies that the McCain/Pailin ticket will tell amazing. What is even more amazing are the American's who will just buy their crap without even trying to find out the truth. Here's some truth about Sarah Palin fighting earmarks.

Men Are Hogs

I'm going to betray my own gender. Men are hogs. All you have to do is look in the men's restrooms at my work to prove this statement true.

1. You know when someone drops a Skittle and says "5 second rule" then picks it up and pops in in their mouth? You wouldn't do that if you spent just a moment looking at the floor below the urinals in the men's room. Urine EVERYWHERE. The amount urine that must get carried to the carpets on shoes is appalling. We're all professionals in nice clothes. Aim! Aim! Aim!

2. What is it that I see on the stall wall facing the toilet? Oh, yes. They're boogers. Yup. Boogers. Today in the 7th floor men's room, I counted 6 boogers flicked on to the facing wall and one on the side wall of the stall. WTF?? You picked your nose on the toilet and with all that toilet paper right there in which to deposit your pickings, you choose to flick it on the wall? No frickin' way.

3. Ring. Ring. Ring. "Hello?" You don't expect a lot of conversation in the bathroom, but the fine art of talking on your cell phone on the toilet is classy, classy, classy. Who the hell answers the phone while pinching a loaf and while the urinals and toilets are flushing all around you? Who is it so critically important that you need to answer the phone while pooping? And if they're so important, does it demonstrate some special level of commitment to them when they hear the grunting and flushing? Sheesh. Let it go to voice mail already.

4. Don't shake hands with a man. Just don't. Most men either don't wash their hands at all, or they do the quick soapless rinse on their way out of the bathroom. Nasty. Really nasty. At my last job, we had this hot looking former MN Twins baseball player named Scott Leius who came into the office to sell software. All the chicas and this chico loved to say hi and shake his hand when he came into the office. That is until I was in the restroom one day washing my hands (with soap, thank you) when he emerged from a stall and walked right out of the restroom. Talk about someone going from hot to hideous in one swift motion. Scott, if you're reading this- wash your wealthy hands, you pig.

5. IF you have rinsed or washed your hands and used a paper towel, don't throw it on the floor. The mouth of the waste bin is long AND wide. You would have to be seriously myopic to miss this particular receptacle. Pick it up and try again. We are all well paid professionals. Though hitting the receptacle is not part of your performance appraisal, it is all a skill we should hone. Squeal like a pig. You are one.

They need to breathe

Being at work this week has been a little tough. Fortunately, on Tuesday we had an employee appreciation event outside the office. I was giving C, the benevolent, a ride to the event and we got on the topic of men and their weird, nasty habits. I told C that I had seen a guy in the locker room the night before lift his leg, then spray antiperspirant on his genitals, then proceed to bend over, spread his cheeks with one hand and spray his bung hole with antiperspirant. It was one of the strangest things I've ever seen. Please, if anyone thinks this is normal, let me know and I'll stop freaking out about it. Anyway, C and I got to talking about how not sweating down there could cause problems with backed up sweat glands, leading to boils, etc. C stated emphatically, "Genitals need to breathe." I couldn't agree more, I guess. She then went on to describe a scenario in which a sexual partner might find the use of genital antiperspirant unappealing. I won't describe that for you though. C knows it already, but she's the best employee I've got. She's the only employee I've got right now, but the title of best still means something.

Genius Du Jour

About a week ago in the Minneapolis area, a 70 year old grandma wrestled a pit bull mix down a hill after it had killed her 13 year old schnauzer. The grandma had tried to get the dog off her schnauzer and was attacked in the process. The pit bull mix named Vicious was caught two days later and was put down today. The dog's owner, Jacquelyn English admitted that the dog escaped from her yard after her grand daughter left the gate open. Her son was interviewed for the Star Tribune story that ran today. Here are his thoughts on the matter:

English's son, 21-year-old Ronnie English, said Vicious "wasn't really vicious" and blamed Johnston for getting bit by his 70-pound dog.
"The lady socked him," the son said. "What kind of idiot really gets in the middle of a dog fight?"

There is a certain amount of contrition that you would expect from the owners of a dog that killed someone else's family pet. This isn't the right amount.