Windy day...

So, have you ever been driving down the street on a really windy day and see that unfortunate person whose loose fitting clothing is blown tight up against every ripple, nipple and curve? And you think to yourself "Wow, that is a really unfortunate look." Yeah. Me too. Well, today 4th Avenue was a damn wind tunnel and I caught a glimpse of myself in a window being that unattractive wind blown person and quickly ducked in to the nearest building and opted for the skyway. Sad.

This just in from... where else? Texas, of course.

Real news story out of Texas today:

A family in Texas is saying... they've found Jesus in a cheese snack.
A Dallas couple, Sarah and Dan Bell, were leaving town and stopped to fill up their tank with gas.
They went inside to grab some snacks, and picked up a bag of Cheetos brand cheese snacks.
Sarah was eating them out of her hand when she noticed one looked like someone in a robe praying...
Moreover, they say it looked like Jesus!
The two have decided to name the snack "Cheesus."
They joked about putting Cheesus on E-bay, but they say they'll probably just eat it anyway.

First Weekend at The Lake

We're back from our first weekend up north as cabin owners. We're tired and very excited. At this moment though, mostly tired.

Friday we had our walk through and closing. We met the former owner, Jack, at the walk through. What a sweet old guy. He's 82. He and his wife retired to the cabin from Florida in 1985- a bit in reverse of most people. She died a few years back and he figured it was time to be closer to town. So, there we were. It felt a little strange and a little sad. In a way it felt like we were taking something away from him- the place where he and his wife spent their last years, where the grandkids came during the summer. He acknowledged at the closing that this was hard for him. We promised to take good care of the place and build lots of memories there. We also told him that if he ever needed to come out to see the place again, he is more than welcome. The whole interaction with Jack, of course, reminded me of how much I miss my dad. *sigh*

We spent the weekend, unpacking, arranging, rearranging, cleaning, shopping, getting to know the area. The weather could have been warmer, but we had a lot of inside work to do. Here are some highlights of the weekend:

1. Wildlife: Bald eagle, coyote, porcupine, muskrat, loons. If roadkill counted in this category, there would have been a few more on the list.

2. Pontoon boat: We are proud owners of the pontoon that came with the cabin. Curt and I took turns driving and landing the pontoon boat. Neither of us has ever driven, much less owned, a boat before. We figured we would practice while no one else was watching.

3. Queen size bed: Learning to sleep with Curt in a queen size bed on weekends is going to be tricky. We've got a king at home. Cozy is nice, but give us some limb room.

4. Gayest thing that came out of my mouth all weekend: "We REALLY need dust ruffles."

5. "Celebrity" encounter: Jeff Passolt from channel 9 news was at the marine store in Minong behind us in line. He owns on the lake next to us. Seems to be a nice guy. Curt and I decided he was pretty hot. He was shorter than expected and has that giant melon that is so typical of news anchors, but hot for a guy who's probably 50 or so.

6. Up North T-Shirts: We couldn't not buy them. They were at the gift shop in Minong. Here is mine:

Here is Curt's:

7. Kayak: I am so glad I bought the kayak. We each took it out for a run this morning. It was about 45 degrees, but I was hell bent on getting in the kayak. I'm going to love this. I picture myself on warmer mornings filling a travel mug with coffee, popping it in the drink holder and taking off across the lake and back. Aaaaaaah. Relaxing. Here is Curt in the kayak

Now all we need up north is you! Come for a visit!

Suburban Wildlife

This is Mr. & Mrs. Mallard who have taken a shine to our tiny little back yard pond. Sometimes they are out there swimming around at 6 a.m. Other days they show up around 7 p.m. and swim around and preen until the dogs chase them out. We don't mind as long as they don't try to lay eggs in the yard. That would be foolish. They don't strike me as particularly bright, but I love the duckies anyway.

She's a Blur

25 lbs of floppy happiness running at full tilt. Dogs are an absolute joy.

Today's Birdies

This morning I decided it was pretty enough for me to venture outside with my camera to try to capture images of birdies at the feeders. I set up my blind on the deck. Okay, it wasn't a blind. It was me sitting on the deck between two patio chairs, but I felt a little like Marlin Perkins. So, it was a blind, okay. Anyway, here are the birdies that I was actually able catch on film:

This little fellow is a Downy Woodpecker. We've named all our Downy Woodpeckers Robert or Roberta.

This is a little American Goldfinch. He is in mid-molt. The American Goldfinch is the only finch that molts twice: once in the autumn to turn brown for winter and once in the spring to turn yellow (males) or olive (females) for summer.

I think this is a Pine Siskin. He jumped into the deck mounted bird bath about three feet from my head. Cute little thing he is.

This American Robin stopped for a drink at the pond. He/she was singing in a nearby tree for about a half hour before coming coming down for a drink. Robins have a gorgeous song. I heart robins.
Say hello again to my little friend. This is the male Pileated Woodpecker that visited us on Friday. Pretty, pretty. Curt and I ooohed and aaahed again. We'll never get tired of this bird. So cool to see a woodpecker as big as a crow.

WOODPECKERS EVERYWHERE!!!

HOLY CRAP! TODAY IS THE BEST DAY EVER! I'M YELLING! I'M SORRY! I CAN'T HELP IT! WHY AM I YELLING? BECAUSE THE PILEATED WOODPECKER SHOWED UP AGAIN AND HE BROUGHT HIS WIFE!!! TWO PILEATEDS IN ONE FRICKIN' DAY!! OH MY GOD!

HERE IS MR. WOODPECKER:

HERE IS HIS WIFE: (NOTE THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE RED ON HER CHEEKS)

Okay. I can die happy now.

Thank Heavens The Blade Wasn't Running

A few observations about this delightful news story out of Hutchinson MN:

1. Of course he pulled in to a trailer park.
2. You've got to be pretty damn drunk to hit traffic cones on a riding mower. You just can't go that fast.
3. Whoever wrote "public display of bladder relief" should either get a trophy or be flogged. I can't decide.
4. He must have grown up in Wisconsin. We just don't grow them like this over here.

Charges: Drunken mower rider buys beer, resumes wild ride
A 42-year-old man is accused of being drunk while driving his riding lawn mower to a SuperAmerica in Hutchinson, Minn., buying beer and then zigzagging along city streets on a ride that included a public display of bladder relief.
Darwin L. Christensen, of Hutchinson, was charged today in McLeod County District Court with drunken driving and urinating in public. A breath test indicated that his blood alcohol level was .21 percent, far above the limit used to determine drunkenness in DWI cases.
Christensen is no stranger to overdrinking and operating a motor vehicle. State records show he has pleaded guilty at least four times, twice each in 1986 and 1996, to drunken driving. His rap sheet also includes convictions for disorderly conduct, fleeing a police officer, felony property damage and felony burglary.
According to the criminal complaint:
Police received a report at about 6:20 p.m. Thursday of a suspected intoxicated man driving a lawn mower. The witness reported seeing the man buy beer at a SuperAmerica, then head north on School Road on the mower.
The man was seen running over two orange cones on the road, swerving within his lane and changing speeds.
After turning onto N. High Drive, he stopped, got off the mower and urinated on the side of the road while throwing a beer can into the ditch.
He then resumed his mower travels into a mobile home park.
Police approached Christensen outside, and noticed the smell of alcohol on his breath, stumbling and slurring his speech. He admitted that he had just been at the store with his mower and had urinated in public.

How Could Today Get Any Better?

So, I just finished posting pictures of the new cabin to the blog when I looked out to the bird feeders. What, oh what, did I see? Just the bird I have been waiting all winter long to catch a glimpse of at our feeders. Yes, it's true. I had a Pileated Woodpecker at the feeder log! WOOO HOOOOOO! I should just go back to bed, because I can't think of much that could top this today. Maybe I should buy lottery tickets. Oh, and I caught a picture of him, too. It isn't the best photo, but you'll get the idea.

So Excited I'm Running Around With Jazz Hands

Curt and I have taken the plunge and are purchasing a cute little cabin about 2 1/2 hours away in northwest Wisconsin. Real estate prices have come down to a point where even the two of us felt we couldn't pass up the opportunity to override our cheap Scandinavian sensibilities and make an investment that we will also enjoy. We are excited to the point that we're going to bed talking about the cabin and waking up talking about the cabin. And when no one is looking I erupt into jazz hands. Wooooo! So, here are some pictures that I took at the inspection yesterday.
This is a view from just outside the front door looking east. The lake is basically a big bowl of sand filled with water. I'm told the water stays crystal clear all summer and weediness isn't much of a problem here. Get out your thongs! We're going swimming!

This is the front side of the cabin. It is an old 30's fishing cabin. So, naturally, it is small and quirky and cute. The current owner has lived there for 23 years. He's in his 80's now and is moving to a town nearby. It is so clear from the condition of the place that he has loved, loved, loved the place.

This is the back side of the cabin. In 2002, the owner added this two car heated garage with a 13 x 25 ft sleeping loft with a 3/4 bath on top. This is a sweet feature for us. Lots of storage and it is connected directly to the rest of the cabin.

This is what you see when you sit on the sofa in the living room. This view doesn't suck at all. I suspect the sofa will have a permanent giant ass indentation from my over use of the view.

This is the old pontoon boat that is included in the deal. Sweet. It is about 30 years old and not pimped out like the modern pontooons, but it floats and that is all that matters. Oh, and get this- the owner called the real estate agent while we were there and asked her "Do you think the boys who are buying the place would like it if I set up the dock and got the pontoon in before closing?" How sweet is that and, uh, YES! We would love that!

This is one end of the sleeping loft. I love it up there. The door goes out to a small balcony overlooking the driveway.

This is the view from the sleeping loft. This view doesn't suck either. Sweet!

This is the cutie pie little kitchen. It is tiny, but so clean and well preserved that it adds to the charm of the place. Who needs a big gourmet kitchen at the lake anyway, right?

This is a pair of male mallards that I caught flying across the lake. Two boys together. It was a sign.

All are welcome. So, when are you all coming up??

Divorced White Female, Eats Children...

I hit a good number of estate sales here in west metro. I rarely buy anything. Mostly, I'm just nosey and curious about an occasional bargain. This weekend, while scanning the online estate sale ads, I came across the picture below. I didn't go to this sale because, frankly, I would have been scared shitless. So, my friends, put on your FBI profiler hat and give me a personality profile of the serial killer that lives here: UPDATE:

Here is the bedroom. Not as offensive until you look at the pillow with the two faces. Also, what is the business of hanging gold rimmed mirrors at the top of the wall. She did it in the living room too.

Furry Devils

Negotiating with squirrels is pointless. So, I try to baffle them instead. Yet, they still find a way to reach the bird feeders. I have installed a squirrel baffle to the recommended 5 feet. It is apparently not so baffling that they can't climb up three feet on the bird feeder pole, leap 3 feet through the air on to the lowest hanging feeder and eat to their furry little heart's content.
My solution: Poodle. Louis loves to chase the squirrels and gets wild eyed when I even say the word "squirrel." Now, if a squirrel is on the bird feeders, I go to the door, whisper "squirrel!" with some urgency and release the snarling squirrel hunter. Part of the fun is that Louis is absolutely determined to catch one. He puts his head down and runs with all his might after the little bastards. It's pretty cute. He hasn't caught one yet, and I honestly don't know what would happen if he did. I would probably scream like a girl, then try to figure it out. Good in a crisis. That's me.

Cranky Randomness

1. American Idol: Isn't there an age limit on leather pants? Seeing 70 year old Smokey Robinson sitting there in brown leather pants just about made me throw up. Leather pants barely look good on the young. Drop your pants, Smokey.

2. On a similar note, today is Mariah Carey's 39 birthday. Happy Birthday, Mariah. Now go and dress your age. Go on. Put on some pants and a top that covers your belly, boobs and shoulders. No one in the demographic your music appeals to wants to see mommy-age titty and ass. And if they do, they're a little off, even for young people.

3. Could you just about strangle the Pope? This man shows up in Africa, a continent completely ravaged by HIV/AIDS and the first words out of his wrinkly old pie hole are that condoms are not the answer to fighting HIV/AIDS. What did he propose? Why, of course, abstinence. Because that has worked so well. Welcome to this century, dude. Whether you like it or not, people might just choose to have sex and if they choose to have sex, sin or no sin, why not give a blessing to protecting themselves and their families from this virus.

4. How much money would you give to someone who has treated you like shit if they signed an asshole waiver? You know, "I, so and so, am a big stinky asshole..." In one case in particular, I might give them thousands, then post it on a billboard just to prove my point. Or would that make me an asshole too? Two assholes don't make a right, or something like that.

5. Ramping up in my new job has been hard. Waaa waaa waaa. I'm done whining now and have returned to being really, really, really darn happy to have a good job at a great company in this particularly crappy economy.

6. Not so cranky: I have lost 18.5 lbs. Hallelujah! In celebration, I think I may have put back about 2 or 3 of those this week.

7. Why are politicians who are criticizing the greed of corporate America continuing to take political contributions from those companies? Hmmmmm. Can't say I'm surprised.

8. Norm Coleman, you suck. Just give it up already. Oh, and are the revelations about those funky, suspicious contributions from wealthy benefactors during the campaign going to help you decide not to appeal when Al is declared the winner? Pleeeaase, get a grip.

9. Back to American Idol: Danny Gokey, go home. You're a wanna be in decent frames.

Me: 0 Poodle: 1

Getting a good night of uninterrupted sleep at the G-O casa has been a little scarce lately. Why, you ask? The culprit is a darling little 12 year old black miniature poodle named Louis. Louis has always slept with me, then us when we bought our house together. Until recently, this has not been a big problem. He's small, we're big. He's the dog, we're the people. This is how it should be.
Not anymore. Lately, it seems that instead of us allowing Louis to sleep in our bed, Louis seems to think that he is allowing us to sleep in his bed and with his rules. So, what has been happening is that when we roll over and pull the blankets, he is disturbed and growls. Or, worse yet, if we push him away with our legs when he is being a little bed hog, he really growls and gets ugly. Bad, bad, bad.
So, on Sunday night, I moved and pushed Louis and he went all growly ugly face on me. I had had enough. I sat up, and pushed him off the end of the bed on to the bench and told him "Off the bed!" (He knows what this means.) He immediately hopped back up and went to Curt's side of the bed. I reached over and picked him up. All hell broke loose- snarling, growling, squirming. So, I did my dominance thing and put him on his back, held him down until he calmed down, then told him "off the bed" and moved him to the bench. Silence and humility ensued. He apparently snuck back on to the bed on Curt's side later in the night, but without so much as a peep when Curt turned over.
Last night when we went to bed, I thought "Ah, the sweet silence of victory over poodle awaits me." Wrong. The growls were smaller, but still there. My next move is to trick him off the bed with a heated dog bed on the bench. He loves anything heated. We'll see how this goes.

...And On a Related Note

A very funny SNL commercial at Funny or Die. Click here ----> Homocil It might take a second or two to load the video, but it's worth it. I think my parents could have used some of this.

Thank You, Madame Leiderhosen

...for this hysterical video. Don't we all occasionally want to slap a Pollyanna?

Not If He Were The Last Man On Earth

This man makes me want to buy a gun every time he comes on TV and screams about some great new product. OxiClean and Orange Glo can suck it.

Naughty naughty

This just in from Wisconsin, which is really no surprise considering everything strange, perverse, bizarre and grotesque seems to happen there. I think it is all the beer fumes.

WAUKESHA, Wis. - A New Berlin student accused of blackmailing other boys for sex in a scam that started on Facebook plans to plead not guilty on Monday.
Anthony Stancl is accused of posing as a girl on the social networking site and tricking his classmates into sending him naked photos of themselves. A criminal complaint says the 18-year-old then used the photos to blackmail the boys for sex acts.
Defense attorney Craig Kuhary says Stancl will plead not guilty during an arraignment Monday morning.
Kuhary previously said they would be open to talking about a plea agreement. He says he wants to see the state's evidence before deciding whether to begin discussions