Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Owl Says

Here are a few things I don't give a hoot about.  Let's see if you agree.
  1. Beyonce's baby bump.   The only thing I slightly care about here is that the baby doesn't come out looking like it's ugly ass father.  He must be well hung and eager to please, because I can't see any other reason for hopping in the sack with him.
  2. Kim Kardashian's wedding or any other Kardashian activity.
  3. Sarah Palin's opinion on anything.  Well, except when she weighed in on the skyrocketing price of SlimJims earlier this summer, THAT was news.
  4. Daily updates on the fascinating lives of children.  Let me clarify.  I like children. I do.  But, damn, I don't care if little sweet pea farted and sneezed at the same time or smiled funny at you today.  Save the updates for some real news-  like a teen pregnancy or something involving scandal.
  5. Anything 'Twilight.'  I suffered through the first moving at the urging of a niece.  Holy crap.  It was so bad.  And, Bella, get a life, dear.
  6. Any words that come out of Nancy Grace's pie hole.
  7. Steroids use in cycling.  Quit trying to defend yourself, Lance.  Let it rest.  We know you doped. Everyone in cycling does.
  8. Brangelina.
  9. Reading anything by Jonathan Franzen.
  10. Respecting the religious views of those who don't respect mine.
  11. Keeping my opinions to myself in front of #10.
  12. People who say things like "Keep your government hands off my Medicare."
  13. If my neighbors can see me trotting through the house in my underpants.  If you don't like it, pull your blinds.  They've never complained.
  14. Your healthy eating habits.  I really struggle with mine and would appreciate it if you didn't tell me how much you really crave lettuce. 
  15. Green cleaning products.  I've tried them and until they work as well as traditional cleaning products, I won't use them again.