Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Reason #2,914

You know how when you've been with someone a long time, you have these occasional moments where, after what seems like a lull, out of the blue you are plummeted even deeper in love?

Okay. So yesterday I'm in the office reading e-mail after work and I overhear Curt talking in the kitchen. He's talking to our dog Louis about his upcoming 11th birthday (tomorrow) and how he might get some special gravy on his food that day. This isn't just a passing comment but a conversation. This morning he does it again as we're getting ready for work. How adorable is he?? Tonight, he tells me that on his way home from the chiropractor he is going to swing in to PetSmart to get some special gravy for Louis.
I got lucky and I know it.

Little Queen on the Prairie- Chapter 1

Walking back to my desk from a meeting today, I started thinking about the little speech impediment I had as a child and what a strange formative event the treatment was.
In kindergarten or first grade, I remember being asked to follow my teacher down the hall to a little office, not too far from the special education room. I didn't figure I was being moved into that classroom, but at 6 or 7 you haven't really got a great read on where you stand among your peers on the intellectual capacity chart. So, I'm sitting in the office for a few minutes and in walks Mr. L (name changed to protect him if he's still alive)- probably mid to late 30's, dark hair, persistent 5:00 shadow and in a boy scout troop leader shirt, unbuttoned to expose lots of chest hair. EEEEEK! (Today it sounds maybe sort of sexy minus the boy scout business, but that's not the point.) The room was a little dark and very quiet and Mr. L spoke in a very calm measured way that creeped me out more than a little bit and made me want to cover my private areas with my hands. He told me that my teacher and my parents thought it would be good if I saw him to talk about how I pronounce the letter S out the side of my mouth. (BOOM! Instant paranoia for the rest of my life.) Then he held a mirror up horizontally up to my lips and asked me to say some words and phrases that included the letter S. As I recited words, he moved the mirror around to the side of my mouth it started to steam up on my right somewhere between my eye tooth and my molars. Wa la! A lateral lisp, otherwise known by the common name of "slushy lisp." (This is more descriptive and will allow you to imitate the condition while saying fun phrases like "Suck it, sexy" or "Sexual intercourse is super." Have a tissue handy. It can get messhhy.) Anyway, when the session was done, Mr. L told me I could go back to class and to tell my friends that I was just getting some help with learning my letters. (BOOM! More paranoia.) For the next however many months, I saw Mr. L a couple of times a week until I steamed up the mirror in front of my front teeth. What did I learn?
  • ...that I should lie to my friends about the real reasons I might seek therapy, even though it is still kind of fashionable to hit the couch
  • ...that authority figures are secretly talking about me (more on that later)
  • ...that Boy Scouts and their leaders are kinda psycho creepy and you would do well to keep a close eye on your genitals in their company

There you have it whether you wanted it or not. So ends the first chapter.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Au revoir, 'Arry!

Just finished the last of the Harry Potter series. What a fun, satisfying little escape that was. This one was particularly good because of all the mayhem, people screaming, buildings crumbling. A little like a 70's disaster movie but with clever Brit children. Loved it.
Holy smokes. It is 10:34 p.m. Well, past my bed time.

I'm Half Way There

Today this wonderful story appeared on BBC News online- "Coffee and Exercise Save Skin."
Apparently coffee combined with exercise helps to protect skin from sun damage. I think I can feel pretty good about being half way to more protected skin. You can guess which half. Coffee also helps protect against colon cancer I guess- which is great since one of my life's goals is to avoid a colostomy at all costs.

If you read the article, note that they advise twice that coffee is definitely not a substitute for sun protection, just in case anyone was confused. Wouldn't want a frivolous lawsuit, would we?

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Mesmerizing Life of An Aging Stereotype

Log of my evening:
5:00 p.m.: reading Harry Potter 7 in comfortable chair. Crystal Light and Wheat Thins near by.
5:45 p.m.: dig through closet for my Sof' Feet Callus Reducer.
5:55 p.m.: applied pore reducing cream to face then scrubbed pesky callus from my left foot (which is not as talented as Daniel Day Lewis's left foot)
6:10 p.m.: rinsed pore reducing cream from face; patted skin dry
6:15 p.m.: applied Acid Peel Serum to face; let it dry for two minutes, then applied Regeneration Chemical Peel. Need to let this dry for 30 minutes for maximum effect (no skin left on face probably)
6:45 p.m.: peeled off mask to reveal the skin of a 20 year old (who had been through a nuclear mishap maybe)- okay looked about the same as always; applied a tea tree oil nose pore mask; putting in tooth bleaching trays before heading down to watch Big Brother with Curt.
7:15 p.m.: peeled off nose mask- no major grease events on the mask.
7:45 p.m.: removed dental trays- teeth still coffee stained; will keep trying.

8:00 p.m.: walk the dogs with Curt; remark on the condition of neighbors' yards and gardens
8:30 p.m.: continue reading Harry Potter 7; crystal light nearby.
9:55 p.m.: let dogs out, give them their good-night treats, brush teeth, ready for bed.


"U.S. Vice President Cheney Leaves Hospital After Operation"
I was hoping that just maybe... Oh, well. There is always a next time.

After Jerry Falwell so graciously left us- to which I mournfully exclaimed "ONE DOWN!"- I was kind of thinking about that superstitious business about bad things happening in threes. Sadly for me, these are not really bad things.

Jean Luc Piccard would never....

...drive the Enterprise while drunk! (Captain Kirk maybe, but not Jean Luc.) I've been following this story in the papers and on NPR about the incidents in which U.S. astronauts have shown up so drunk to their next missions that they were deemed a flight risk but NASA gave them clearance anyway. Wha huh? Driving a car while drunk is stupid enough, but the space shuttle? All this is on the heels of the attempted kidnapping by the astronaut in adult diapers several months ago that very nearly amused me to death. Add NASA Public Relations Specialist to my list of jobs I never want.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Greetings from Suburbia!

Welcome to my blog! I've been officially inspired by two old friends to get off my semi-luddite rear and start sharing my thoughts with, well, just about anyone really. If this leads to keeping in better contact with folks, then that will be just dandy. Off we go....