Sunday, March 29, 2009

Furry Devils

Negotiating with squirrels is pointless. So, I try to baffle them instead. Yet, they still find a way to reach the bird feeders. I have installed a squirrel baffle to the recommended 5 feet. It is apparently not so baffling that they can't climb up three feet on the bird feeder pole, leap 3 feet through the air on to the lowest hanging feeder and eat to their furry little heart's content.
My solution: Poodle. Louis loves to chase the squirrels and gets wild eyed when I even say the word "squirrel." Now, if a squirrel is on the bird feeders, I go to the door, whisper "squirrel!" with some urgency and release the snarling squirrel hunter. Part of the fun is that Louis is absolutely determined to catch one. He puts his head down and runs with all his might after the little bastards. It's pretty cute. He hasn't caught one yet, and I honestly don't know what would happen if he did. I would probably scream like a girl, then try to figure it out. Good in a crisis. That's me.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Cranky Randomness

1. American Idol: Isn't there an age limit on leather pants? Seeing 70 year old Smokey Robinson sitting there in brown leather pants just about made me throw up. Leather pants barely look good on the young. Drop your pants, Smokey.

2. On a similar note, today is Mariah Carey's 39 birthday. Happy Birthday, Mariah. Now go and dress your age. Go on. Put on some pants and a top that covers your belly, boobs and shoulders. No one in the demographic your music appeals to wants to see mommy-age titty and ass. And if they do, they're a little off, even for young people.

3. Could you just about strangle the Pope? This man shows up in Africa, a continent completely ravaged by HIV/AIDS and the first words out of his wrinkly old pie hole are that condoms are not the answer to fighting HIV/AIDS. What did he propose? Why, of course, abstinence. Because that has worked so well. Welcome to this century, dude. Whether you like it or not, people might just choose to have sex and if they choose to have sex, sin or no sin, why not give a blessing to protecting themselves and their families from this virus.

4. How much money would you give to someone who has treated you like shit if they signed an asshole waiver? You know, "I, so and so, am a big stinky asshole..." In one case in particular, I might give them thousands, then post it on a billboard just to prove my point. Or would that make me an asshole too? Two assholes don't make a right, or something like that.

5. Ramping up in my new job has been hard. Waaa waaa waaa. I'm done whining now and have returned to being really, really, really darn happy to have a good job at a great company in this particularly crappy economy.

6. Not so cranky: I have lost 18.5 lbs. Hallelujah! In celebration, I think I may have put back about 2 or 3 of those this week.

7. Why are politicians who are criticizing the greed of corporate America continuing to take political contributions from those companies? Hmmmmm. Can't say I'm surprised.

8. Norm Coleman, you suck. Just give it up already. Oh, and are the revelations about those funky, suspicious contributions from wealthy benefactors during the campaign going to help you decide not to appeal when Al is declared the winner? Pleeeaase, get a grip.

9. Back to American Idol: Danny Gokey, go home. You're a wanna be in decent frames.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Me: 0 Poodle: 1

Getting a good night of uninterrupted sleep at the G-O casa has been a little scarce lately. Why, you ask? The culprit is a darling little 12 year old black miniature poodle named Louis. Louis has always slept with me, then us when we bought our house together. Until recently, this has not been a big problem. He's small, we're big. He's the dog, we're the people. This is how it should be.
Not anymore. Lately, it seems that instead of us allowing Louis to sleep in our bed, Louis seems to think that he is allowing us to sleep in his bed and with his rules. So, what has been happening is that when we roll over and pull the blankets, he is disturbed and growls. Or, worse yet, if we push him away with our legs when he is being a little bed hog, he really growls and gets ugly. Bad, bad, bad.
So, on Sunday night, I moved and pushed Louis and he went all growly ugly face on me. I had had enough. I sat up, and pushed him off the end of the bed on to the bench and told him "Off the bed!" (He knows what this means.) He immediately hopped back up and went to Curt's side of the bed. I reached over and picked him up. All hell broke loose- snarling, growling, squirming. So, I did my dominance thing and put him on his back, held him down until he calmed down, then told him "off the bed" and moved him to the bench. Silence and humility ensued. He apparently snuck back on to the bed on Curt's side later in the night, but without so much as a peep when Curt turned over.
Last night when we went to bed, I thought "Ah, the sweet silence of victory over poodle awaits me." Wrong. The growls were smaller, but still there. My next move is to trick him off the bed with a heated dog bed on the bench. He loves anything heated. We'll see how this goes.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

...And On a Related Note

A very funny SNL commercial at Funny or Die. Click here ----> Homocil It might take a second or two to load the video, but it's worth it. I think my parents could have used some of this.

Thank You, Madame Leiderhosen

...for this hysterical video. Don't we all occasionally want to slap a Pollyanna?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Not If He Were The Last Man On Earth

This man makes me want to buy a gun every time he comes on TV and screams about some great new product. OxiClean and Orange Glo can suck it.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Naughty naughty

This just in from Wisconsin, which is really no surprise considering everything strange, perverse, bizarre and grotesque seems to happen there. I think it is all the beer fumes.

WAUKESHA, Wis. - A New Berlin student accused of blackmailing other boys for sex in a scam that started on Facebook plans to plead not guilty on Monday.
Anthony Stancl is accused of posing as a girl on the social networking site and tricking his classmates into sending him naked photos of themselves. A criminal complaint says the 18-year-old then used the photos to blackmail the boys for sex acts.
Defense attorney Craig Kuhary says Stancl will plead not guilty during an arraignment Monday morning.
Kuhary previously said they would be open to talking about a plea agreement. He says he wants to see the state's evidence before deciding whether to begin discussions

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Despite Rumors To The Contrary...

...I am easily pleased and amused. All you have to do is put me in front of pretty things or cute baby animals and I'm happy, happy, happy. In between Curt's volleyball matches, I've been trotting off to various attractions around St. Louis. Yesterday, I took in the orchid show at the Missouri Botanical Gardens and got lots of pretty pictures including the one above. I love flowers. Pretty.
Today, I ran across the highway to the zoo. Not much was on display unfortunately. However, I did get to see Emperor Penguins up close. Very pretty. Best of all, I got to see a baby ring tailed lemur clinging to it's mother. That was it. I could have been shit on and run over by a truck and still have been happy for the rest of the day. Monkeys are sweet. Baby monkeys are even sweeter and last the whole day.