Thursday, May 13, 2010

Another Fascinating Day

Okay, that title was just meant to get you here. My day actually couldn't have been more ordinary. Here's some of what happened.

So, this morning I'm in line at the coffee bar in the employee cafeteria behind some unknown co-worker who is putting her cream and sugar in her coffee. I had finished filling my cup and was waiting for her to wrap things up when she does the strangest thing. Well, it wasn't the strangest thing because that might have been something like pulling miniature horse in a tutu out of her bag, kissing it on the rump and trotting it around in a figure 8 while singing 'Love To Love You Baby.' Perhaps what she did was better described as just odd. What she did is she grabbed a coffee lid and set it down in front of me while I'm waiting there. I don't take it for two reasons. One, I'm not ready to lid my coffee just yet. I've got some goodies to put in there before I do that. And, two, yuck. Big effing yuck. I don't want some stranger who's hands may have just come from caressing some hobo's genitals touching something that I am going to be putting to my lips in a few moments. That's disgusting. Anyway, she finishes her business and looks at the lid, looks at me and says "Fine. You don't want it. That's great," grabs the lid and PUTS IT BACK IN THE STACK OF LIDS. Ugh. Now she's touched it twice and had I had a blow torch to sanitize the stack of lids I would have used it and maybe taken her out in the process. So, as I am envisioning her doing a stop, drop and roll to extinguish herself, all I could say was "But I have things to put in my coffee." Lame.

This afternoon I was waiting in a meeting room for my boss to arrive when I see her standing outside the room chatting rather intensely with a V.P. She's facing me and the V.P. has his back to me. So, I take the opportunity to try to break her composure by leaning back in my chair and raising my eyebrows at her. I can tell she sees me in her peripheral vision, so I proceed. I lean back a little further in my chair, bug my eyes out and lift my eyebrows up and down. At this point, she is doing everything in her power not to be distracted by me. So, I lean even further back in my chair, make a face and the damn chair's tilt mechanism comes undone sending me falling backwards. I catch my fall and pull upright in my chair, but not before another co-worker has entered the meeting to witness my fall and graceful recovery. Both he and my boss were quite amused. Instant karma. It's a bitch.

Enough for now. Kirelimel, can you still see the lips?


kirelimel said...

Lips are gone. Did I convey just how much I hate those lips? Strange, I thought I was so discreet...

I would not have taken the lid either. But I would have just said, "I am a germophobe so I never take the top one!" as I reached to the middle to extract a clean one.

And I LOVE that you nearly fell. All in all, a fascinating day- don't sell yourself short, MG, you are interesting.

Mnmom said...

Story #1 - Eeeewwww! That's gross. But then again some other person's hands had to PUT the lids there. But still . . . .

Story #2 - LORD I wish that had been caught on tape.