Monday, June 7, 2010

Kiss this, Miley Cyrus!

Last week, the buck-toothed, marginal talent known as Miley Cyrus made "news" by kissing one of her female backup dancers during a performance on Britain's Got Talent. To that I say two things:

1. Who the hell cares?
2. Is this supposed to be shocking?

In truth, famous women kissing women hasn't been really shocking for about 20 years since Madonna kissed that androgynous babe in the Justify My Love video- which, by the way, was BANNED from MTV at the time. Can you believe that considering all the skank that has since followed? Since then many pop tartlets have kissed women and, much to my surprise and dismay, continue to get attention for it. I don't understand it. Why is gay still an attention getter in 2010? Frankly, it is becoming offensive to forever play the gay card as provocative or even interesting. You're no lesbian, Miley. Don't even try it.

The other thing that really bugs me about this is that, like many pop tarts before her, Miley Cyrus is attempting to use sexuality to prove her relevance, maturity, and edginess. First you had Britney Spears doing a suggestive school girl in the "Hit Me Baby One More Time" video followed by a deep descent into talentless skankitude. Then Christina Aguilera hopped aboard the whore train and basically wore nothing for years. And so on and so on until Nelly Furtado comes out with a song years after the whore train has come and gone with the completely desperate title of "Promiscuous" off a CD titled in equally bad taste "Loose." Good god. Why do famous young women feel the need to prove themselves through sexual suggestiveness and clothing choices that make them look like mindless, manufactured hormone-driven morons?

So, back to Miley. Here is my advice to her:

1. If you're wearing a beautiful dress, STAND UP STRAIGHT. (See illustration above.) Are you having an abdominal cramp? Shoulders back! Now!

2. Try becoming famous for your talent, which takes real work, not your antics.

3. Little girls still look up to you. I know you're trying to break with your Disney image, but don't think that looking cheap and behaving like dumbass are the paths to maturity. You're 17. Let maturity come to you. You have time.

4. Don't let videos of you giving a lap dance to your 44 year old manager surface on the internet.

5. And finally, your relationship with your father gives just about everyone on earth the creeps. Don't hang on him or let him hang on you any more. Ever. There's just something wrong there that no one wants to put their finger on.

10 comments:

Mnmom said...

TOTAL agreement! On all points. When I saw that she kissed a woman during a performance I thought "Oh YAWN Miley, that is so 2001!"

But if raw sexuality is backed up with amazing talent as in Lady Gaga then I'm all for it.

kirelimel said...

I have been watching this trend with great frustration. It really bothers me that in addition to being stick thin and wearing next to nothing for clothing in order to attract men; now girls are learning that they must add some girl on girl action to the mix if they really want to get that cute dumb frat boy to find them interesting. I don't think it's that she wants to be a lesbian its that she wants to be UBER sexual- "I'm just so horny I'll have sex with ANYONE!!" (please reread that with a high pitched-sing-song-whore voice)
I hate that I'm raising girls at a time when skank is becoming an accepted mainstream choice. grrr.

Kate said...

AGREED 100%.
Also, agreed 100% with the comments above.

Mnmom said...

Oh, and one more:

If you're 17 you have the skin of a baby. Don't cake on the makeup until you look like Joan Crawford.

Paul Hanstedt said...

she gave her manager a lap dance?????

michaelg said...

Paul, are these your friends? And, yes, she gave some 44 year old man on her management team a lap dance. Now, the question I have is, why did he not push her away and say "YOU'RE FRICKING 16!! DON'T YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS?" and then proceed to punch her parents squarely between the eyes.

kirelimel said...

DOWN WITH MYLEY!!!!! POST SOMETHING NEW BECAUSE THE SIGHT OF HER SLOUCHING WHENEVER I CHECK YOUR BLOG IS STARTING TO MAKE ME THINK OF EVIL THINGS!!!!

kirelimel said...

If I say I'll kiss Myley will you please, please, PLEASE write a new damn post?!

I'm just not smart enough to get a timely blog roll on my sidebar so I have to come and check your blog each day. Take pity on those less fortunate than you- post something new! And preferably NOT having to do with anyone from the Disney stable!

You know I'm going to have to leave nastier and nastier comments each day until you do!

Mnmom said...

MG - start blogging again or I will start leaving nasty comments here about your hair, your feet, and your thong.

Mnmom said...

Get back on here and start blogging again!!!!!