Owl Says

Here are a few things I don't give a hoot about.  Let's see if you agree.

1. Beyonce's baby bump.   The only thing I slightly care about here is that the baby doesn't come out looking like it's ugly ass father.  He must be well hung and eager to please, because I can't see any other reason for hopping in the sack with him.
2. Kim Kardashian's wedding or any other Kardashian activity.
3. Sarah Palin's opinion on anything.  Well, except when she weighed in on the skyrocketing price of SlimJims earlier this summer, THAT was news.
4. Daily updates on the fascinating lives of children.  Let me clarify.  I like children. I do.  But, damn, I don't care if little sweet pea farted and sneezed at the same time or smiled funny at you today.  Save the updates for some real news-  like a teen pregnancy or something involving scandal.
5. Anything 'Twilight.'  I suffered through the first moving at the urging of a niece.  Holy crap.  It was so bad.  And, Bella, get a life, dear.
6. Any words that come out of Nancy Grace's pie hole.
7. Steroids use in cycling.  Quit trying to defend yourself, Lance.  Let it rest.  We know you doped. Everyone in cycling does.
8. Brangelina.
9. Reading anything by Jonathan Franzen.
10. Respecting the religious views of those who don't respect mine.
11. Keeping my opinions to myself in front of #10.
12. People who say things like "Keep your government hands off my Medicare."
13. If my neighbors can see me trotting through the house in my underpants.  If you don't like it, pull your blinds.  They've never complained.
14. Your healthy eating habits.  I really struggle with mine and would appreciate it if you didn't tell me how much you really crave lettuce. 
15. Green cleaning products.  I've tried them and until they work as well as traditional cleaning products, I won't use them again.

Sorry folks, it's been a long time...

Hello again, fans and friends, if I have any left at all after this lengthy absence.  I am trying to expunge the first half of 2011 from memory.  Why expunge?  Well, after three rounds of chemotherapy under my belt followed by a twice daily regimen of heavy steroids, immune suppressant drugs, blood pressure medicine, antibiotics and multiple other less infamous drugs for at least the next several years, I am ready to forget this year.  On the up side, the illness that got me there is not progressing at least.  I can always find a silver lining because, as all my friends can tell you, I am an optimist.  A cheerful, head in the clouds optimist.

So, I'm just going to return with a simple list- some rants, some unsolicited advice, some observation.  Please be assured that I will shortly deliver my third and final installment in my series about why boys are stinky and worthless until they're 30 or so.  But for now, this is what you get:

1.  There is person of indeterminate gender working in my building.  I really can't tell if it is dude or lady and it doesn't matter.  In fact, I am a little fascinated by him/her.  Why?  Because we look a lot alike- same haircut, same build (my man boobs are a little smaller than his/hers), same glasses and same general manner of dress.  He/she favors more brightly colored shirts and ties, but over all, we could be brother and sister/brother.  Tell me, and be honest, is it hard to tell what gender I am because now I'm a little paranoid?

2.  Advice to parents who have friends who are not parents-  shut the hell up about your kids and your family activities when talking to your non-parent friends at least long enough to ask us how we are.  That's the minimum you have to contribute to at least acknowledge that you are not just talking to a smiling, life size cutout of your childless friends.  Yes, I adore your children and really do want to know what is going on with them.  BUT, if 15 minutes pass and you observe that I have been only saying "Wow" or "Oh that's neat" or "Really?", then you better throw me a bone.  Just saying.

3.  I have so many needle marks on my hands and arms at this point that I look like a heroin junkie.  If I must suffer this way, can't I at least have the gift of looking thin like a real junkie?

4.  I hate it when people talk about me when I'm not around.  No I don't hate that.  I hate it when people say something cute like "Was your nose itching Saturday night because we were talking all about you?"  I don't even hate that so much.  What I really hate is when I ask them what was said and they say shit like "Oh nothing" or "All good things."  Be specific, motherf*cker.  Be specific or I will cut out your tongue in your sleep.  See how much I hate that?

5.  Related to #4 above, how boring is that conversation ?  Snore.  I haven't caused a good scandal in at least 20 years.  I am an IT systems analyst and project manager.  I live in the suburbs with my husband and two dogs.  I make quilts.  Jesus.  I really should liven it up a little.

A Response to A Gentle Reader

In response to my post about bullying, my gentle reader (Sorry, Miss Manners. If you've got that trade marked, I"ll lay off ) Everett gave the following comment that I wanted to address here:

This is preceded by praise, praise, praise for my blog which I LOVE.  I love praise.  Thank you.
...the thing that was a little unsettling about this blog (and many others), is that it seems as if you are saying that it is normal, and that it's sort of a "passage" if you are not the popular person, to get picked on. You advise to avoid the situation, and if one were to arise, to get away as fast as possible. Now of course the best advice anyone could give, is to try and avoid it.... however, I don't believe that we (GLBT, black, handicapped, fat, pink-haired, WHATEVER) should just escape the situation... that does not solve anything.

While I like to encourage people to stand up for themselves, I would NEVER tell anyone to put themselves into a situation that could make things worse. But there are ways of stopping it. Find what works best for you and the situation, and go forth. Don't ever allow for someone to bully you, and don't think it's something that you have to just "deal with". It's not alright. You don't have to put up with it. Just find a healthy alternative to make it stop...
...followed by praise, praise, praise for my blog.  Okay, that's an exaggeration, but some praise followed.
 
Gentle Everett-
 
I agree with you that young people should find ways of trying to stop bullying, if those means are available.  And, by all means, kids should seek out adults to help them or develop a blisteringly sharp repertoire of comebacks that will verbally knock the shit out of their victimizers.  However, I think back to my experience and as a kid, I just didn't see any options at all, so avoidance was it.  Why didn't I see any options?
1.  I didn't feel close enough to my parents to tell them.  That, and my dad would have thought I was a giant puss, more than he already did.
2.  I thought that if I told a teacher or another adult, they would have told my parents and my dad, blah, blah, blah.
3.  I was struggling so much to try to feel cool, that I didn't also want to be known as a tattle tale, which would have decreased my cool points by a gazillion.
 
Your other point about being bullied as a "passage" is interesting.  I don't think that bullying is an inevitable "deal with it" part of being young and geeky, nerdy, gay, etc., though I do think someone is always at the bottom of the pile.  What I do think is inevitable is assholism.  (Thank you John Waters and Pink Flamingos for letting me use that oh so appropriate term.)  You can report bullies and you might be able to curb their behavior, but assholism is forever.  In my thinking, once a mean spirited asshole, always a mean spirited asshole.  So, is it worth it to stick around in a small town after graduation where you are going to perpetually run into these assholes?  Maybe, if you can ignore them, it might be.  However, I think it is a valuable experience to go out somewhere in the world where you arrive with no labels or titles and see how the world treats you.  Then, if you want to go back to your small town with some years of perspective, that's great.  By then the assholes, though still assholes, will just look pathetic.
 
Keep the comments and thoughts coming. 

Mystery Solved

I have some Facebook "friends" who are only there because they are in my Vampire Wars clan.  I can actually dump them if I want and still maintain my clan numbers, but they are occasionally entertaining.
Today for instance, one of them takes on life's greatest mysteries and gets what I think my actually be a solid answer.  You decide.
 

The Games MNMom Plays

MNMom has initiated one of these things.  Is it a meme?  I never really knew what that was, even when they were popular.  Here it is:

1. Name one book that has really stuck with you.
To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf.  I love Virginia Woolf and the sort of warm soulful, sorrowful way her worlds shift focus.  The reason this stuck with me is that it is the first book that brought me to tears.  I was reading a section of the book called Time Passes and came across this sentence-  "Mr. Ramsay, stumbling along a passage one dark morning, stretched his arms out, but Mrs. Ramsay having died rather suddenly the night before, his arms, though stretched out, remained empty."  In the context of the book it was such a simple and beautiful image.  I cried for about a half hour.

2. Name one non-family adult who influenced you for the better.
A high school teacher, Mrs. Friest, was always so sweet with me and had a great sense of humor. I credit her with saving my life at a really low point. She was also just a kick ass teacher.

 3. Name one really great thing about today's teens.
I love that most teenagers I know are not obsessed with serious relationships like teens were when I was younger.  They seem to have real boy-girl friendships which has to bode well for their future relationships.


4. If Barack Obama dropped out of the race today, who should be the Democratic nominee?
There are days I wish he would.  I still think Hillary would rock the White House.
5. What would YOU do about Libya?
Give their fugly ass leader a makeover.


6. The perfect Spring Vacation would be:
Mexico, beach, kindle, frozen limonada.


7. You win $50,000 to spend on your house. What do you do?
Remodel our 1950's bathroom sensibly then pay down the mortgage.

8. You win another $50,000 but you have to give it away. What do you do?
Kirelimel gave it to MNMom, so I'm going to donate it to Habitat for Humanity in El Salvador.  One habitat house down there is $7000.  So this would buy 7 houses and some beer for the workers.

9. Your worst guilty pleasure(s) is:
RuPaul's Drag Race.

10. You HAVE to go back to school. What do you study/earn?
Geez.  I've debated going back for years, but have no idea what I want to do.  I don't have a ton of respect for the MBA, but would probably get one with an emphasis on information systems BOOOORING.

Yes, Vagina, I Will Blog Again

Okay, MNMom, I had to put this out here to let you know I haven't completely forgotten about my poor blog.  I've been busy, okay?

One big change in my life recently is that I joined a fitness class at the gym that is 3 evenings a week.  As depressing as it is to realize that not only am I fat, but that the only way I can get to the gym is to pay big bucks for a 3 month long class on top of my membership fees,  I do see the benefits in doing that as opposed to sitting in front of my computer blogging.  And the only thing that keeps me going to class is the SHAME I would feel at wasting the money I put up for the class.  Will I ever reach the point that I just plain WANT to go to the gym?  Sadly probably not.  On the up side, I've lost about 12 lbs and am not huffing and puffing  when I go up the stairs at home.  That was just plain embarrassing.  Ideally, I would like to lose more weight, but I'm trying to reframe my thinking about fitness and focus on what I've accomplished instead of what I haven't accomplished.  I'm veering off into Oprah territory here, so I'll shut up.

The other thing I've been up to is A LOT of family history stuff.  I've been doing it for about 10 years, but have been going full tilt on it for about the last six months. Many of my ancestors settled in a small area of NE Iowa and SE Minnesota.  It has been fascinating to see how many times two or three families could intermarry.  One man marrying two sisters after one had died.  One woman marrying a man from one side of the family then marrying a man from the other side of the family. My great great grandfather married my great grand mother's sister in law (her husband's - my great grandfather- sister)- making her step daughter and sister in law. It's kind of fun.  So far we haven't had any sibling marriages or anything that would produce a pinhead, but we've come close I'm sure with that tiny gene pool.

Enough for now.  I will finish my series on stinky, worthless boys soon.