Friends And A Fair

This weekend, our lovely friends Carolyn and Jeff ventured north to the cabin from Rochester, MN. They arrived on Thursday evening with a cooler full of goodies- always a plus when the goodies are good. When these two visit, you can always expect some lively conversation and great times.
This weekend, Carolyn and Jeff, conversions-in-progress to Judaism, subjected Curt and I to RITUAL ABUSE!!! Friday night, they got out a polyester table cloth in the same pattern that Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower had in the White House- instant abuse if you ask me- and a nifty little folding candle holder in which they lit two little Sabbath candles that were to remain burning until they disappeared. Then, while I fidgeted uncomfortably and looked longingly at the meal, they proceeded to say their blessings and prayers in a language I didn't understand. I assume it was Hebrew, but it could have been Klingon. When the blessings were FINALLY over- a whole 30 seconds later- we ate a wonderful meal, followed by games. All the while, Curt and I were afraid those little candles- still burning two hours later- would take our house down.
So, here are my suggestions to improve Judaism:
1. Outlaw polyester table cloths. Curt's elbows had floral indents in them after resting his arms on the table cloth during dinner. Gays in particular are sensitive creatures to things like unnatural fibers.
2. Sabbath sparklers. Can the candles. Light sparklers and run around the room while saying your blessings. We could all use a little excitement an distraction, especially when those non-Jews in the room don't know what the hell you're chanting on about.

Just my thoughts. Take them or leave them.

The Sawyer County Fair
Saturday, we ventured to Hayward for the Sawyer County Fair. This is a small fair, befitting of a county that has about 17,000 permanent residents. Visitors to the many lakes in the area during summer probably quadruple the population, but they don't get the federal dollars after the census. So this was it- a midway with about 5 rides, some buildings, a horse ring and an ATV pull track. You heard it right, not a tractor pull, but an ATV pull. I hope that was fun. I didn't see it.

First we stopped at the horse ring, where sensible young girls in helmets (safety first, ladies) rode their horses around traffic cones. This is clearly intended to prepare the pair for construction season in Wisconsin, which seems to be never fecking ending. I'm telling you, it's true.

Next, we ventured to the animal barns. Now, we're getting into my fun zone. I love the animal barns. I like to compliment the animals on their appearance and good behavior. If I'm lucky I can touch the cows and sheep and other little critters. Take a close look at this turkey. I think he is giving me his best bedroom eyes. Misdirected, but thanks, Tom. Your pink and blue ensemble is quite flattering as well.

Next we wandered out to the PETTING ZOO!! OMG! OMG! That's how excited I was about the petting zoo. This one was outstanding. Not only did it have baby farm animals, it had some baby exotic animals like a little zebra, baby antelopes and a lemur. They didn't let you touch the lemur because I suspect there is some risk of them getting a little pissed off and ripping off the eyelids of ill behaved children. So, prepare yourself for an onslaught of cute.

This little fellow is showing me the trick he can do with his tongue. Who needs fingers and the privacy of a car at a stoplight? By the way, I can touch my nose with my tongue, too.

This little fellow was a Brahma calf. His ears were like silky bunny ears. I loved him.

This is a little Scottish Highland calf. His mother was nearby and she was a bit unpleasant. I deduced this from the sign on the pen that said "New Mother: Stay Back 5 Feet." This is really good advice when interacting with new human mothers as well. They can be a little, well, hormonal crazy, if you know what I mean.

This is a baby llama. He was darling. When he gets big, I will ride him around the horse ring through traffic cones. I swear I will.

After two trips to the petting zoo, we wandered through the craft building. Mostly it was crayon drawings by first and second graders, but there were a few quilts, crocheted afghans and flowers. Now, I know there are only 17,000 people in Sawyer County, but, folks, step it up a bit please. The grand prize winner in floral arranging was 6 marigolds stuck in florists foam. Really? Aren't there any gays around to perhaps raise the bar a bit?

Finally, Curt and Jeff went on some rides. Here is one. Look for Curt. He's the one waving at me.