Tough Week on the Dad Front

This was a tough week for dealing with the loss of my dad. I think I might be in the "denial" phase of grief since I feel compelled to look at my dad's on-line obituary at least 5 times a day, maybe just to confirm that it did happen. It was a little shocking that my dad's name fell off the obituary list in the Decorah paper. I guess it's been almost a month, but I'm still thinking that his name should be there. He's not the only one in town who died, I know, but it sure feels like it.

I'm also going through the same thing I did when my mom died- sort of expecting that people either instinctively know that my dad died recently or just wanting more people to acknowledge it or something. I can remember clearly when my mom died, standing in the Casey's convenience store with a crabby clerk and thinking to myself "Why are you being so awful? Can't you see what's happened?" And of course, she couldn't, but I wanted her to be a little kinder at least. I'm still getting questions from folks at work I don't know real well about how my "vacation" at the beginning of the month was. And, I'm irritated with one reasonably close co-worker who experienced a similar loss that hasn't acknowledged mine. It's so damn irrational and selfish because I'm guessing he didn't read the employee intranet to find out, so I'm not being pissy with him or anything.

Two co-workers were diagnosed with cancer this week- one with Hodgkins Lymphoma and the other with ovarian cancer. I'm pretty close with the one who has ovarian cancer, so the news hit me pretty hard. I think C, the benevolent, was also hit pretty hard since her husband died of Hodgkins Lymphoma at age 30. That was years ago, but of course, she was thrown. Rationally, I know that these two women are not dying, nor even close, but the whole shadow has appeared that needs fighting and, selfishly, it brings up my own grief and fears. I hate that they and their families are having to go through this.