Friday, November 2, 2007

Salad Bar Lady

This little peeve has been on my mind since Tuesday, so I thought I better write it away. So, there is this woman at work, I don't know her name, but after a couple of trips with her to the salad bar, she's a little hard to forget. The problem is getting in line behind her. I've come to accept that Lutherans, in general, are really slow at a salad bar, just a cultural thing I guess, but, this woman is a champion. She's not old or dumb or physically slowed down in any way. She's just irritating. Here is what she does:

1. She grabs her to go container, then spends a full 30 seconds pondering the vast assortment of greens to choose from- spring mix, iceberg or spinach- during which she makes choosing noises. You know- "oh, hmmmmm, gosh"- or any combination.
2. Then we get to the prepared salads (pasta salads, popcorn salad- another story in itself, cottage cheese) and the veggies (broccoli, carrots, etc.). This is when she stops. Her jaw drops slightly as if overwhelmed by the selection. She reaches for a spoon in the cottage cheese, says "no" outloud, and retracts her hand. She reaches for the tongs in the cauliflower, looks troubled, and retracts her hand. This goes on for another 30 -45 seconds before she chooses basically a single baby carrot and a teaspoon of pasta salad. I already hate her at this point.
3. Now we get to the meat and misc toppings. Here she makes noises of surprise "Oh gosh, wow, mmmmmm" as though she has just seen everything now that there's cubed ham before her. Here she spends less time choosing and goes right for the meat, moves forward to the croutons, stops, backs up and says excuse me as she goes for the turkey, gets past the turkey to the goldfish crackers, backs up again and grabs the croutons. You get the picture.

I've been behind her several times before. So, Tuesday, I stood back and watched this go on for about 30 seconds then rather abruptly cruised around her to the dressings. She noticed and looked at me with sort of a hurt look on her face. I don't have much of a poker face, so I don't know what my face might have looked like at that point, but I do know that I clenched my ass really tight just to distract myself from opening my big mouth. Maybe I'm being harsh, peevish and impatient. (Well, I know I'm peevish and impatient.) And maybe, to give the benefit of the doubt, the trip to the salad bar is the only joy she gets of her day. But, damn.
Okay, I feel better. Thanks for listening. Whew.


kirelimel said...

Cubed ham can be quite stunning...I sometimes find I can barely prepare the au gratin potatoes once I've chopped up a chunk of pig muse. I can not divert my eyes from the mass of ham, what with it's small rainbow areas of glistening's as if I see the meaning of life and the end of time, all in that one moment.

Mnmom said...

I would have done the same, MG.
One of my Mom's best-ever quotes is "I hate people!!" and you know she really, really meant it.