Sunday, May 4, 2008

Things I Learned in Decorah This Weekend

1. 1 butchered pig = 40 lbs of ham, 20 lbs of bacon, 18 lbs of bratwurst and various poundages of ribs, roasts, hocks, etc. all equaling 221 lbs of freezer cramming pork. Oh, and lest I forget, the pork came with liver, tongue and heart. That makes me sad.

2. I will never understand the infinite patience of good parents. If I were a single mother, I would be the one you see in the grocery store smoking a Marlboro in a tube top, cut-offs and flip flops, filling my cart with Ho-Hos and Sunny Delight, talking on my bedazzled cell phone and screaming at my three children- all under five years old- to grow up. (You are a saint, RJ)

3. If you show up at the right time at the Cheesecake Maven's house, she will, in fact, let you lick the cheesecake batter off the beater and scrape the bowl of not one, but two big kitchen aid mixers. (Department of Health- I am certain that she boils the stuff afterwards and soaks them overnight in bleach.)

4. There really is no limit to the amount of Mabe's Pizza I can eat in one sitting. It is embarrassing really.

5. Have low expectations of table service in small town Iowa. For example, here is our conversation with our "waitress" at Mabe's Pizza (see #4 above)-

Me: Let's start with an appetizer of buffalo wings.
Waitress: Okay.
RJ: Are the buffalo wings really spicy?
Waitress: I wouldn't know. I don't touch the things.
Me: Okay. We'll take them anyway.

6. RJ will still laugh at me when I unintentionally say really gay things like "Oh gosh. Make sure I remember to call Curt to see if the window dressings got put in this morning."

7. Technical difficulties really put me in a funk. I gave RJ my old computer, and it would only work with the monitor in windows safe mode. Hhhmmmppffff!!! I had to call our friend SJ, who is a bigger computer nerd than I am, to come to the rescue. (Did you figure it out??)

8. Gardening just 150 miles south of lovely Golden Valley really does start about two weeks earlier and ends two weeks later. Makes me nutty. RJ's and Cheesecake Maven's gardens were already looking great. Green envy.


kirelimel said...

I hear pig hearts can come in right handy if ever a wicked witch asks you to take a sweet young thing into the woods and chop her to pieces, save that heart, which should be placed lovingly in a velvet lined box.

Scott J. said...

I imagine that at one time (and possibly still, today) there were people who'd take a pig to the butcher and say, "now, don't you try and keep that liver and tongue for yourself, now! I'll be counting parts when I get home!"

The computer is working! (Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!) The first thing RJ did? Play Spider Solitaire - with glee, I'd add. Now, to get her on the intertubes and blogging...

Mnmom said...

RJ MUST start blogging - did you make that a condition of giving her the pc?

So when are you inviting me over for chops on the grill and BLT's??

Next time you go to Decorah, call me. Maybe I'll ride along.

I'm right with you on the Mabe's pizza - I embarrass myself sometimes. And when did they become a chain???

Scott J. said...

By the way, you didn't answer the question: Were the window dressings put up???

When I talked to Curt, he seemed pretty casual about things. Not winded, as if he'd just finished - nor antsy, as in "Can't talk now! Gotta get some window dressings up!"

Hmmm... I'd keep an eye on him, if I were you.

Mnmom said...

Save that photo - it's a collector's item now.

Scott J. said...

I was just thinking the same thing, MNMom.

For those who don't know, the right side of that lovely brick building in the foreground was torn down because it was old (read: they let it fall to pieces so they could build a new school). Now that it's gone, they've suddenly realized they need to repair the newer, left side of the building. And the roof of the high school.

And, just when the old building is gone, suddenly they want to build a Community Center. Odd, because people had rallied to put a Community Center into that old building.

Dirty politics are alive and well in Smalltown, USA, my friends. Believe it!

Mnmom said...

It WAS NOT a good bldg for a school - too many requirements and truly just not big enough. But it would have made a lovely community center, arts center, whatever.

Cheesecake Maven said...

Glad you had a nice visit back home MG! You can stop by anytime for more batter, next time take a baked one home with you!

I'll send a good pork quesadillas recipe to you, Yum YUM!