I just got back home from a week of biking in Wisconsin on the Bike Northwoods tour. We rode about 365 miles over the last six days. I almost canceled at the last minute because of a bout of food poisoning or something that both Curt and I got at The Crystal Cafe the day before I was to leave. Yes. I'm naming names. Don't eat there. Bleh. Thankfully, Curt didn't get as sick as I did. I actually hurled for the first time in like a dozen years or something. That was no fun. Anyway, a few observations from my week of bicycling:
1. I have come to believe that every business establishment in Wisconsin either sells beer or Packers merchandise. Beer in Wisconsin is like wine in France, only in France I'm guessing quantity consumed isn't as important.
2. Best street name seen while pedaling: 9 7/16ths Avenue
3. Butterflies like poop as much as they like flowers.
4. Older couples can be as gross as teenagers in love. Two of our group met on the ride last year and fell in love. They are nauseating beyond recall. For example, they both always order cherry cokes with three cherries and Keith will feed Jody the cherries. Hurl. Right out in front of god and everyone. Can't they do that shit in the privacy of their own homes and quit shoving it down our throats. Ick.
5. From the looks we got when entering restaurants, I've concluded that middle aged people in spandex do not make a great appetizer for anyone.
6. Sitting on a bicycle seat for about 30 hours over the course of a week is equal to about one hour of a running a belt sander on your cheeks. Just an approximation.
7. Going up the backside of one of the giant bluffs near the Mississippi is as painful as it is scary going down the other side. Michael hurtling down a hill on two wheels can gain a lot of velocity. Eeek.
8. There are so many dead frogs on highway 35 that you would think a biblical plague had struck during rush hour.
9. Best Wisconsin business name: It is a tie actually. The first is The Sunset Motel & Window Tinting. The second, which happened to the right across the street was BJ's Bar & Grill & Car Wash. What the?? There were lots of strange combinations like this.
10. Best phrase uttered from my lips: "Holy balls, woman! You are smoking my ass!" Colette, my riding partner today and Curt's sister, finished the last 8 miles at a pretty consistent 18 mph. That's a good pace by any one's standards. Considering it was the last 8 of 62 miles, that pretty damn good.
11. Best phrase learned: Wheel Sucker. A wheel sucker is someone who wants to draft off you to save their legs, but never wants to take the lead. Bastard people.
12. Falling over at a dead stop is embarrassing even when no one is watching. Thankfully, only two people saw me do it and they were strangers at about 50 yards.
13. Cursing at hills does not make them any easier to ride. It just feels good.