Saturday, February 14, 2009

Vacation Miscellany

Booo hooo hooo. This is our last day in Puerto Vallarta. As always, we've had a marvelous time full of well, not much, which is precisely what makes these vacations so damn wonderful. Our schedule has basically been: lay around, eat, lay around some more, eat, lay around yet some more, eat, walk somewhere for dessert, go to bed. Sweet. Here are some miscellaneous vacation thoughts:
1. On the plane down a woman, around 70, boarded the plane with a BeDazzled t-shirt depicting a big shiny martini glass, bright red lipstick and a sporty blond yes-I-can-beat-you-to-the-bar-in-5-minutes-or-less hairstyle. I prayed she would sit next to me. She didn't. Instead I sat next to a fidgety guy with an i-pod. Booooooring.
2. Best tattoo: Yesterday, on Diana's Big Gay Boat Ride (not it's official name, but should be), there was a lovely man in a Lacoste long sleeved gray t-shirt with the traditional alligator embroidered on the left chest of the garment. He took off the t-shirt and had a little Lacoste alligator tattooed on his left pec. Hooray!
3. Last night at dinner, a mariachi trio was playing some song and we were hopelessly ill equipped to figure out the lyrics. We didn't want to miss out on singing along, so we determined the chorus sounded like "One Ton Tomato" and sang along anyway. One Ton Tomaaaaaaaato. It was nice.
4. We brought Curt's sister and her boyfriend on Diana's Big Gay Boat Ride yesterday. Diana is a fabulous 50 something , 4'10" French Canadian dyke who loves her bitches (us) and has a wicked laugh. We pulled into a cove for some swimming, the boyfriend, in line to go to the bathroom, asks Diana what we were going to do here. Without hesitating, Diana says, "This is where we kill you and leave your bodies", lets loose one of her wicked cackles and strolls away. We love Diana.
5. We played pool volleyball a few times with this group of guys on a corporate incentive trip. The boss, a guy in his late 30's, was getting a wee bit looped and occasionally referred to his underlings on the other side of the net as homos. Not so cool, but done in the same way that kids say "that's so gay"- meaningless but stupid, none the less. Anyway, the drunker he got, the more he engaged in horseplay- grabbing, wrestling- with his underlings, who were cute guys in their mid to late 20's. Hmmmmmmm. Suspicious behavior, and a little hot too.
6. Swim suit advice for men: Leave some room for mystery when picking a swim suit. If onlookers can assess the quality of the work done on your cirucumcision, the suit is too tight. Oh, and thongs don't look good on anyone. If you are in your 50's, this is more true for you than anyone else.


Little Sister said...

The woman in the bedazzled t-shirt sounds like the epitome of a "grandma-tramp." Yes, she would have been fun to sit next to except I bet she wears way too much bad cologne.

Diana sounds like a hoot. So glad you are having a good time. hey to Curt!

themom said...

Love the Lacostte tattoo - how original?!?!? Glad you are having a wonderful time in the sun. After 60+ degree days - it is SNOWING here again. Grrrr... And all good things must come to an end. (vacations) I always cry when I have to head back home.

Mnmom said...

Next time, I wanna come along!
Grandma-tramp! love it. That's my aspiration in later life.
Diana sounds wonderful.
Corporate Boss Guy - yep, someone's a homo. Bit Ted Swaggert-ish.
Good swim suit advice. I'd actually like a return to the 1900's were it was acceptable to wear a full dress ensemble.