Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The...

...farmer's market. Okay, so it's Sunday morning at about 8:30 a.m. and I am driving to the farmer's market. I'm on a two lane one way street in the left lane (with the parking lots on my left) and there is an older maroon Toyota in the right lane just a few feet in front of me. As the parking lot entrance approaches on my left, the maroon Toyota starts turning in to it from the right lane causing me to slam on my brakes in order to miss the idiot driving the Toyota. I was WILDLY UNHAPPY and laid on the horn a few times, vocalized some choice words loudly, then followed the moron in to the parking lot. To get the market, I have to walk right in front of idiot driver's car. Without paying much attention, I say rather loudly "Do you ever LOOK before you change lanes???" Rather quickly, the passenger door opens and I'm soon face to face with a ferocious looking 4' 5" Hmong grandma. Actually, it was really more like my sternum to her face, but it felt much worse because she was having none of my ranting. So, I let it go and moved on quickly to start and finish my shopping because I'm certain that within minutes grandma is going to go to all the Hmong vendors, make them raise their prices just for me, then spit on my produce. Bad grandma.
But that's not all. When I cross the street there are three guys looking at me. A few things are pretty clear to me about these guys:
1. They have no real interest in the market beyond waiting for their wives to get done.
2. My near miss is the coolest thing they've ever seen before 9:00 a.m.
3. There was some look in their eyes that said they wanted to bond with me over my near death experience. (I dramatize, but you never know what could have happened without prompt braking.)
Sure enough, as I approach them they start smiling and laughing and saying things like "Do you need any witnesses?" "That was pretty cool." "Do you want us to beat 'em up?" I reply by saying it has taken me 20 years to get used to Minnesota drivers and I'm still surprised. I also advise them to watch for the car's occupants and let me know if they can take them in a fight. They were still chuckling as walked away, but I imagine they caught a glimpse of grandma shortly thereafter and instinctively knew she could kick all their asses in about 30 seconds. Bad mean grandma.


Mnmom said...

Don't mess with old women - they've seen it all. And she's short enough to land a fierce blow to your cajonnes. You'd never see the fist coming until it was too late. I had such an accident lately. The old woman actually said "I didn't even SEE you behind that pickup". All the better to wait until the pickup has PASSED and you have a CLEAR VIEW you geezer. My guess is Hmong grandma didn't realize it was a one-way.

Melinda June said...

there's nothing scarier than a scrappy asian grandma. You should read the mama gin files in my friend Tom's blog...I bet she could eat the crazy Hmong lady alive. She's his partner George's mother, and she is a totally loon. She tapes her windows with newspaper to keep out the bad juju.

Melinda June said...

By the way, I tagged you.

michaelg said...

Tagged? Tagged?
Does that mean I'm it?
'splain, Lucy.

kirelimel said...

I was tagged and it was almost painless. Save the public humilation of others reading my lameness.

I agree that asian old ladies are the scariest. I never liked being shoved into a subway car next to one of them. Their elbows were always poised and ready to strike.

Mnmom said...

Tagged? What is Tagged??