Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I Should Have Known All Along

This is Growing Out of My Butt Crack


I am a mutant. Yes. You've known it deep in your hearts, but have been too afraid to tell me. According to my hematologist, I have an acquired genetic mutation called a JAK2 mutation. (I've always preferred the original JAK, but if I have to have a sequel, JAK2 will have to do.) Apparently, she believes this is the cause of my funked up platelet levels for the last several years. She thinks the normal test that I reported on last month was a fluke. Nice. I guess it isn't that big a deal for now and I'll learn more about it at an upcoming appointment. In the mean time, I have to go get that mother @#*@#$ing bone marrow biopsy that I am so not cool with. They need to rule out a type of leukemia before they can say with certainty that the mutation is the sole cause of my bone marrow disorder. The risk is very low because the type of leukemia they look for isn't often seen with this particular mutation. But, keep your fingers crossed for me anyway.

9 comments:

suzieQ said...

Hi Mike,
I wish I could be there with you for your biopsy. I'd let you curse at me all you wanted. Instead I will send prayers all positive thoughts your way. Deal with what comes one step at a time. Too bad it wasn't a JAKman mutation. I think that could have been some fun.

kirelimel said...

Tell that Jak2 jak-off! I'll get all thoughts and prayers off and on their way immediately. Keep us posted.

Mnmom said...

I always knew you were special, and now we know why - it's that parasitic twin growing from your ass!

MG, all my prayers and love are with you. Do you need anything? A ride? Soup? I know Curt will totally deliver in the caring partner role, but please please call if you need me for any reason. When is the appt?

Madame Leiderhosen said...

I'm all for doctor's getting answers, particularly where you are concerned. No Identifying Characteristics, indeed.

Would it help if I said bone marrow biopsies are not nearly as painful as they sound, if it's anything like the national bone marrow registry puts one through.

Everything is crossed for you, Baby! Keep us posted and best of luck.

Scott J. said...

Positive vibes, Michael.

Brenda said...

Hi Mike!

Sorry to hear about your PacMan mutation. I just finished my latest stint at St Marys for my skin graft. I hope the bone marrow test is not as painful as having tagaderm (large industrial sticky sheets of plastic "bandage" ripped from your abdomen and pubic area with the force and speed of an F5 tornado. I now know it is possible to cry without sound or tears. Just a look on your face that says you might have your finger stuck in a light socket.

I am delivering some good positive thoughts your way Mr. G.

Dale said...

You have nipples on your crack too? I'm worried!

michaelg said...

Brenda- @#$%@!#$ OUCH! OUCH! They did this to you while you were awake???????? Are you going to blog about it?? Holy crap. (When might you and Mark be coming up, btw?)

Dale- I have nipples everywhere. My cross to bear. That thing on my butt crack- wants the keys to the car now. Go figure.

Mme Leiderhosen- My doctor says it is uncomfortable which to me equals painful. I am a big man wimp.

michaelg said...

Brenda- @#$%@!#$ OUCH! OUCH! They did this to you while you were awake???????? Are you going to blog about it?? Holy crap. (When might you and Mark be coming up, btw?)

Dale- I have nipples everywhere. My cross to bear. That thing on my butt crack- wants the keys to the car now. Go figure.

Mme Leiderhosen- My doctor says it is uncomfortable which to me equals painful. I am a big man wimp.