Thursday, December 18, 2008

Want Some Blood? It's Extra.

So, why go for just one bone marrow disorder when you can have two? Yes, two. I got the results of my bone marrow biopsy back today. No cancer is the great news. However, I have two different multi-syllabic bone marrow disorders- one affecting my platelets, which we knew about, and the other affecting my hemoglobin. Odd. My hemoglobin is in the normal range- high in the normal range, but normal. My doctor diagnosed it paritally because my kidneys aren't producing enough of a hormone that stimulates the marrow to produce the blood. Apparently, it just does it without the stimulus. So, I just basically make too much blood. My doctor tells me that I'm no longer of any use to the Red Cross or any plasma donation center. (Not that they want my blood anyway as their policies exclude me because they infer that because I am in a relationship with a man that I have HIV. Quite a leap and not true.) I also presumed that any vampire that might want to latch on would also likely no longer be interested. Can I convince mosquitoes that drinking my blood is also sucky for them in some way? Hmmmm.
So, I had to sit for a nice blood letting after my doctor's visit. They call it phlebotomy, but I prefer the more medieval terminology. I very quickly filled the bottle up all the way to the top. Not so exciting except that when they took the needle out of my arm, my blood sort of sprayed all over briefly then dripped on to the floor. I thought it was funny and apparently the phlebotomist did too because she yelled out "We've got a gusher!"
Anyway, I have to have blood lettings every two weeks until another blood level gets below a certain point. Hematocrit, I think. Afterwards, I will probably need a blood letting every month for the rest of my life. Oh, and I need to do all of the other things that one should do to avoid blood clots and strokes. This includes losing weight. Frick. Again.


Mnmom said...

CRAP MG! Why couldn't it be a blood disorder made better with a high fat diet and plenty of lounging around.

Next time someone says they give their life's blood for something, you can say "I can top that".

Truly, I have been waiting on your results and feeling more than a little concern. Glad to know it's not cancer, and not life threatening. Do you suppose your Dad or Mom had this?

You and I can both proudly walk on by the blood mobile. I tried to give platelets in college (for the beer money). It took over an hour to get 1/4 bag of blood out of me. They told me to never come back and never try to give blood. I don't have enough, and you have too much. Together we're fully two people!

kirelimel said...

Glad to hear it's not cancer- can you use leeches in a pinch? Okay, okay, we'll all start exercising and eating healthy just for you.

Scott J. said...

One of my first jobs was working in the supply room at a hospital, and part of the job was delivering various medical supplies to different areas. One day, they handed me a brown paper bag with "Blood Drawers" written on it. Now, I have a pretty fair grasp of the English language, but I swear to God I said "Blood drawers? Why the heck do they keep blood in drawers and where are they?"

Of course, it was "Blood Draw-ers", i.e., phlebotmists, but looking back, it was pretty funny.

Mom J. also has to have a monthly vampire date, to remove that nasty iron that's in her blood, or some such thing. You have to wonder if this isn't just some new gimmick, though.

On the plus side, you don't have cancer, and we're glad to hear that. Then again, you'll forever be known as "The Gusher" and... that's not a bad nickname, actually. I suppose it beats Honey Pants.

Glad to know you're mostly OK, M.

suzieQ said...

ALLELUIA! I'm so happy to hear your results. I know it's never great to hear the word "disorder" at any time, but at least this sounds do-able. Gusher, spurter, geyser....hmmmm.

Melinda June said...

Hooray for no cancer! That's excellent.

If it's any consolation, I can also no longer give blood. They don't like people who have lived in the UK for more than three months because we might be carrying the Mad Cow. What's your blood type? Perhaps we can become donors for each other.