When You're Feeling Down...

Yes, my friends, when you're feeling low, turn to sandwiches. Sandwiches are far more satisfying than turning to, hmmmm, oh yeah, drugs, um, excessive masturbation, uh, Jesus. Once you're a sandwich junkie, I'll show the the myriad arrangements for displaying your sandwiches from the inside back cover of this 50-cent estate sale find.

Look What I Dug Up

I just came across a folder full of old photo booth pictures from during and a few years after college. I LOVED photo booths.

In January 1990, I had just broken up with a boyfriend and was feeling quite low. Instead of sitting on my bum, moping around, I decided to invite a group of friends over to help me celebrate my 24th birthday. I could have been bitter and focused on my break up, but I decided to focus on makeup. The theme of the party was Making Up Is Hard to Do. So to create my low budget invites, I hopped into a photo booth at Calhoun Square with some makeup and Lee press-on nails and produced these. Frightening, no?

Medical Quackery: South of the Border Style

This, my friends, is a thing of beauty. Click on the picture to read. I picked this up off a literature table while we were in Puerto Vallarta. Baby animal organs under the skin. Sweet.

Hooray for Tilda!

I have been in love with Tilda Swinton since I first saw her in the film version of Virginia Woolf's 'Orlando.' She is an absolutely gorgeous, androgynous freak of nature and I am thrilled that she got recognized with an Oscar for her work in Michael Clayton. With any luck we'll get to see more of her as a result of this. Go, Tilda! Woo hoooo!

Better Late Than Never

So, I know that I'm about 5 years too late in making this recommendation, but here it is anyway. I just finished an amazing book that many of you have probably already read. For those who haven't, take this recommendation and buy the book today. (You can even peel off the Oprah's book club sticker on the cover. I hate that thing.) Middlesex: A Novel by Jeffrey Eugenides is one of those rare reads that captivates you from the first words to the last. It is a brilliantly executed blend of self discovery and 80 years of family narrative. Go get this book now.

ANTM: Top Model Academy

Uh oh. The first week of America's Next Top Model didn't really produce any real hopefuls for me. Typically, there are 1 or 2 that stand out. Not so much this week. Oh, wait, there were two that stood out for the wrong reasons.
1. Fatima:
Fatima is from Somalia and thinks she looks like Iman. Oh no she doesn't. She also immediately took on all the other black girls and called them all ghetto- not the friendly, cool ghetto, but the "I hate your ghetto ass" ghetto. In my white, middle-aged, gay suburban opinion, some of them were a little ghetto, but not so much that I would have had to point it out. So far, Fatima is a bit of a beee-yotch.
So in the very next scene, she goes before the casting panel and puts on a big fat weep fest at meeting Tyra Banks. Then she tells the panel that in Somalia at age 7 she underwent female circumcision. Okay, Fatima, just suck all the fun right out of the room. Kidding. I've read a lot about female genital mutilation and it is horrifying. That said, I think Fatima was working it a little. Just saying.

2. Marvita

Marvita, pictured below, looks like Chris Rock, who, the last time I checked, was not supermodel material. He is pleasant to look at and his wit makes him attractive, but could he hold his own against Naomi Campbell in a thong contest? No. So, what makes Tyra Banks think that Marvita, could be a supermodel? Not only is she Chris Rock, she comes to the competition with serious baggage that causes her to threaten people's lives and say some really dumb shit. For example, Fatima came back from the casting panel and told the entire room of girls that she was previously berating about being ghetto, that she had been circumcised. All the other girls, recognizing the horror that Fatima had been through gathered around to give support. Marvita, on the other hand, let the first words out of her mouth be "So do you feel like less of a woman?" Somehow, I suspect this gal won't be anyone's Cover Girl.

This Will Make You Cringe

Deer: Pretty? Yes. Tasty? Yes. Sexy? Just read the story. I'm telling you, Wisconsin has produced some really strange ones.

It's February 20, 2008....

...and you all know what that means...

America's Next Top Model, Season 10!!!! Can you believe it?

I'm going to try to keep the ol' blog up to date with all the goings on, at least until all my favorite contestants get eliminated. I'm so excited!

I Heart Midori and Her Saucy Wait Staff

My employee C and I went for lunch today at Midori's Floating World. I love Midori. Though she can sometimes be a little Zen about her rolling, which makes me a little impatient and really hungry, she makes some of the best rolls in town. The Number 9 roll is to die for- tempura shrimp, avocado and salmon. Yummy. And, now that we've discovered the saucy flower Ian, our lovely waiter (see picture), the trip to Midori's is even more lovely. I suspect he too will enjoy seeing mention of himself in the old blog. So, here are some reasons that saucy flower Ian is a great waiter:

1. He brings us warm towels even though Midori doesn't like to do that for the lunch crowd.

2. He is timely with the hot water for tea.

3. He takes no guff. For instance, today we complained that it was cold in the restaurant. He said that was because it is really cold outside. No nonsense. This is good.

4. He offered to rub our feet when we complained that our feet were cold. He didn't mean it, but it was a nice gesture anyway.

5. He gave us a big huge serving of green tea ice cream to share.

6. He traded in our red mints for green mints, and gave me an extra one for the road because my birthday was two weeks ago. (Don't get the impression we're high maintenance or anything.)

C bought lunch today . I didn't see the tip she gave him but I hope it was adequate to make up for our bellyaching about the cold. We're going back on Friday to send off a co-worker, but sadly the saucy flower won't be there.

Curiosity

Saturday night, Curt and I went to a little Szechuan restaurant called the Tea House before going to see a movie. At the table next to us, a curious phenomenon happened that I've observed before and continue to be puzzled about. The wait staff all spoke perfect English, but each of them seemed to have some degree of accent remaining, typical of someone who, at one time, was a non-native English speaker. So, when it came time to order, one of the otherwise normal gentlemen at the table next to us began to order in a voice that mimicked the accent of the waiter and was a few decibels higher than it should have been. I don't think he was trying to be disrespectful. I think he was actually trying to be helpful. Ever run into this before? It seems odd to me. I also wonder what the waiter thought of it. Hmmmmm.

Right Here in Minnesota

This is sweet. A Minnesota couple has been married for 83 years. Holy smokes! That is a lot of years together. I would be curious to see what annoying habits they tolerated from each other for that long- never asking directions, farting in bed- and if, after all these years, it still gets their goat.

A Valentine for Senator Larry Craig

"Who me? A homo?"

On Valentine's Day, Senator Larry Craig (aka- Larry "I Get It On In the John" Craig) received a censure from the Senate ethics committee, comprised of 3 Democrats & 3 Republicans, for his behavior following his arrest in a Minneapolis airport bathroom. CLASSY! YES! Here's the article. The ethics committee hit the nail on the head in their assessment of Craig's behavior. I'm pleased, but I must admit it seems a bit like a good election year ploy to 1. Point out the naughty closeted homosexual and 2. Run like hell from the naughty closeted homosexual. That said, the most stunning part to me is that Craig, not surprisingly, remains in complete indignant denial.

Stuck in My Head v3

The only person more susceptible to getting songs stuck in his head than me is my partner Curt. We're both horrible in this regard. A single word or short phrase in a sentence will generate some musical reference and then it's all over- we're singing it or rehashing it in our heads all night. For example, the other day someone used the phrase "if you want to" in a sentence at work. Can you guess which song popped into my melon? If you guessed "Safety Dance" you were correct. There are advantages to having a partner more susceptible to musical torture than me. When Curt gets fixated on a song and sings parts of it over and over and over and over and it is a song I don't like, I can change the station, so to speak, to something I like- usually Stevie Nicks. On many occasions, I have switched Curt to singing 'Edge of Seventeen' or 'Stand Back' just by quietly humming it in the background. Fun.
So anyway, we come home from work yesterday, I settle in to read e-mails while Curt is in the kitchen. Suddenly, I hear something so terrifying issuing forth from Curt that I think it might be a deranged request for euthanasia. He must have seen something in the fridge that set this off. Here, my friends, is the song he was singing loudly with "la" as the only word, that then got stuck in my head until we started watching our movie. Sadly, I woke up with it stuck in my head. This truly sucks. Don't hurt me.

Good Flick

Curt and I just finished a fun little flick called Driving Lessons. I'll watch anything with Laura Linney in it. She did not disappoint. Julie Walters is a scream and Rupert Grint (think friend to 'Arry Potah) did a great job. Here's a trailer:

Lunch Talk

Today, my employee C and I went to lunch at Rainbow- a pretty good Chinese joint in south Minneapolis. C loves seeing mention of herself on my blog, so she won't mind if I tell you what we talked about over lunch:

1. A lumpectomy she had at age 19 and the appearance of the fibrous tumor the size of a golfball that the doctor removed.
2. Embarrassing medical exams
3. Having a girlfriend's husband as the anaesthesiologist during a hoo-hoo surgery
4. Hemorrhoids
5. Removing six feet of gauze from her brother's post surgical cyst on his tailbone
6. Squeezing sebaceous cysts
7. Poop snakes at the Fairmont mall

All this while eating. C is very well educated, highly articulate, wildly talented, and well read. But, there's something about leaving the stress of office behind that apparently brings out the disgusting side in both of us. I knew the potential for this was there before I hired her. It wasn't why I hired her, but it didn't hurt.

Evil Game Update

Yes, I have been playing Boggle online instead of blogging. 282 games later at 2 minutes each (you do the math on how many hours that comes to), I am losing my mind. I even lost some sleep the other night because I went to bed rehashing all sorts of strange word combinations in my head. So sad really. Through all this, I did find a way to feel better about myself and my game playing habits- THIS. Check out the number of games the top ten have played. Oh yeah, I'm sane by comparison. Thank you very much.

Uh oh. Three Hours of My Life Gone In A Flash

Crap. I looked up and its three hours later. Here is what I was doing:

Wordtwist

This is basically a free online Boggle game. My eyes are crossed. My hands are worn out from typing fast for 3 hours. Oh god. I'm a junkie.

Who Is Your Candidate?

This came to me via e-mail today- a quick way to see what presidential candidate you most align with on the major issues.

Presidential Candidate Quiz

My results, in order of alignment, are:

Hillary Clinton (51 pts)

Barack Obama (48 pts)

Mike Gravel (45 pts- WHO IS THIS?)

Ron Paul (18 pts)

Mitt Romney (10 pts- Bye, Mitt!)

John McCain (7 pts)

Mike Huckabee (5 pts- Suck it, Mike.)