How do I know?
1. I made something cute. Sickeningly so. See photo. I am not a "cute" sort of guy, but spring is not coming fast enough. Must have bright sun and flowers. And apparently birdhouses. Send help.
2. Speaking of birdhouses, I bought two little unpainted birdhouses with the intent to paint them. If they end up looking like the little quilt I made, please come shoot me.
3. I am almost physically sick that we might get 6-9" of new snow tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow would be a great sick day. Damn. I don't do that
4. I didn't slap a woman at a party last night that was bragging to me that while in Paris with her husband, the French were coming up to her and asking for directions, because, she said, "We just don't look like Americans." You're right. You look like a pretentious asshole with a nice scarf and good frames. Stop it already.
5. I didn't slap the host of the party when I found out that he "keeps" his boyfriend, who lives in Greece, so he will be able to come to the U.S. at a moment's notice or meet him at his condo in Mexico. The host is not some crusty old troll with money. No. He is a very handsome, smart, friendly man in his late 30's with money. Huh? I guess when you pair no self esteem with no ambition and throw in old family money, you get couples like this. Without the money, they would be living in a trailer court and throwing chairs around on Dr. Phil.
6. I didn't slap our friend, whose birthday party it was, for hanging out with these people. I did slap myself for going to the party when I got home.
7. I bought olive loaf at the deli counter the other day. There was something nostalgic about it at the time. It really is just bologna with some nasty green, pimento stuffed olives extruded into a loaf shape.
8. I am in a serious mid-life crisis as it relates to my career. I cannot imagine doing what I'm doing for the next 20 some years. Curt is there with me too. Why can't I get paid for petting dogs or overeating?
9. I am humorless and crabby in a bad way. I'll get over it. Until then, I'm unbearable. Poor Curt.
6 comments:
How come cretins get money and nice people like us have to struggle? You can come to my house, and you won't feel like slapping anyone. Want to meet me in Burnsville this weekend and watch my twins play volleyball??
And isn't that quilt just the sweetest thing ever???? Can you put a Precious Moments character in the there??? Don't slap me. Actually it's charming - you are so talented.
I've met sooo many people like the woman in the scarf and funky glasses you described. IC is full of them, remember?! You should have just kicked her in the shin.
Although, she probably didn't wear her walking shoes in Paris and carry a big water bottle with her everywhere, so yeh, she probably did not look like an American.
Bragging about it at a party though?! You are very kind to not have slapped her.
About the quilt, it IS very springy! You are apparently a talented quilter with extreme cabin/winter fever! Made me happy looking at it, in a very sugary, Sound of Music sort of way.
It's adorable, you crafty s.o.b.!!
go slap that woman now. I mean it. Track her down at her job and announce that it's your duty as a proud patriotic American- then let her have it. Maybe bring a tape of that country song, "proud to be an American" - nobody could take offense to that.
I'd buy tickets to that!
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