Friday, September 19, 2008

Can't Say I Don't Have a Hot Ass

My beloved Pilates instructor Annie recently moved on to greener pastures. Not death- the ultimate green pasture I suppose if you play your cards right- no she moved on to a studio where she could actually make some money. Who can blame her? So, the gym hired this new guy to cover Tuesday & Thursday classes. My sense about this guy is that he is a personal trainer who attended a few weekend seminars to get certified then calls himself a Pilates instructor. I just don't get the sense he did Pilates before getting certified, because he can't articulate about alignment and which muscle groups should be engaged like someone who's been practicing for a while. Not to rip on him, but, you know, he's just not Annie, Pilates goddess.
Anyway, the guy teaches a version of Pilates called Peak Pilates. Its faster paced and more vigorous than the Pilates we were previously doing. This isn't bad, but it goes so fast that I'm not sure I'm engaging the right muscle groups before starting the movements and fear injury. Oh, and let's not forget the increased sweating. I used to sweat in class, but now I drip sweat. My legs get so sweaty that I can barely hold on to them in our "tree" exercise. My hands just slide right down my legs. Crazy sexy, I know.
So, last night at the end of class, the instructor had us all come to the wall for a final spine & hamstring stretch. The wall though happens to be a mirror. We were instructed to keep our tailbones on the mirror while rolling our spine down slowly until our hands hung over our feet, circle our arms in both directions then roll back up. Ah. It felt great. I was all calm and relaxed as I stepped away from the mirror to go clean up my reformer. Then, horror of horrors, I turn back to look at the mirror to find a GIANT, STEAMY, SWEATY ASS PRINT on the mirror. Not just the outline of the ass but CRACK and everything. I was mortified- as I'm sure were the other dainty flowers who take the class with me. I debated, do I see how quickly it will evaporate or do I rush to get a towel to wipe it off, which might smear the mirror? What to do? What to do? I chose option two and dove on a stack of towels and rushed to the mirror to wipe of the hideous imprint of my ass. Will the indignities ever cease?


Mnmom said...

Oh MG! I'm laughing at my desk. I must never read your blog at work, it's not seemly to spurt coffee from my nose!! You slay me.

Dale said...

Oh my! Video next time please for full sharing of the mortification.

kirelimel said...

Very funny- thanks! I probably would have just shifted places and blamed it on someone else. You are too good being responsible for you own ass print.