Friday Thoughts

1. Very shortly my 43rd birthday will be over. That's okay. It was a good day.

2. My soon to be former boss and his senior leaders surprised me today. They gave me a send off gift of a $100 gift card to Kincaids and a really sweet card filled with nice words from them. That was unexpected and very thoughtful. I'm not even leaving the department. I'll just be in a different position that doesn't work directly with that group any more. It's nice to be missed in advance. I take back almost all the horrible things I've ever said about them.

3. Curt and I went to see Spring Awakening tonight. I really liked it, but didn't love it. At intermission, Curt and I both looked at each other and said almost in unison "Does Martha look like Mary Katherine Gallaghers best friend in Superstar?" We were both half expecting her to sing her song about incest with a lateral syllable displacement while knocking girls down with a basketball.

4. We have a foreign contractor in the office who hasn't discovered the proper etiquette about the amount of cologne to wear to work. Holy shit. You can smell him for a long, long time after he has left the area. One need not be a bloodhound to find this guy.

5. I have a massage appointment tomorrow morning with my new favorite therapist Conan. Despite the name, Conan is a spritely little fellow whose hands get really excited when he comes across a knot in my back. His trigger point work is flawless. I've also had facialists at the same place get really excited when they find a blackhead to extract. They clearly interview for passion.

6. Facebook, while fun, can be kind of a time sucker. I'm visiting with people I haven't visited with in a long time, so that's cool. And, I posted a zitty photo of my self from the 10th grade with a friends permed afro photoshopped over my own hair. I thought it was really funny until I got a message in my inbox that proclaimed "I remember that perm on you!" Shit.

Who knew?

Have any of you happened to you out to www.urbandictionary.com, my brother D's favorite brain building site, to look for your last name, particularly if it is kind of unusual? Mine is out there with 4 definitions that aren't particularly appealing. Thankfully, judging from the number of votes, my last name will never catch on as a popular term for a sex act- see definition #4. Whew. Now for the rest of you, one of you is "the smelly kid in class or a cheap vodka." Another of you is "a douche bag Chemistry teacher." Another of you is "an attempt to discreetly scratch one's breast when it itches in public." And yet another is "a tall, norwegian, slack-jawed yokel." Allegedly. I refuse to believe any of this is true.

Polite, Politer, Politest

Working with the Lutherans has its benefits and its drawbacks. One benefit is that people are generally really, really kind and polite with one another. One drawback can be that people are really, really kind and polite with one another. This manifests itself in many ways, most often passive aggressive tendencies, but that is a whole other matter. More benignly, it manifests itself in places like the elevator. The Lutherans will hold the door for someone coming 30 yards across the lobby, will make room for just one more and, worst of all, when two people are getting out on the same floor, will always let the other person exit first. This can erupt into polite wars. By this I mean both people will start for the door and both will stop. One will say "After you." The other says "No, really, after you." They both chuckle, start for the door at the same time, stop again, chuckle and one says "After you" until finally after several fits and starts one will make it through the door.
So, this happened to me when I arrived on the lobby floor with another person. The door opens. There are people waiting. A polite war ensues. Fortunately, an outsider (read not Lutheran)- we'll call her Abbie, a gorgeous Asian woman who is as big as a key chain and looks like a million bucks everyday- is standing outside the door. She immediately recognizes the polite war, looks at us menacingly and very near the top of her lungs yells "GET OUT! GET OUT!" and proceeds to shoo us from the elevator. I started laughing and exited. The other Lutheran onlookers looked at Abbie like she had ridden in on her broom, but of course said nothing. Abbie is my new folk hero.

The Meanest Thing: Judge Me

CP has a meme on his blog for which I can't answer all the questions. The answer to #1 alone is too complex and I went all Bill Clinton in trying to figure out how to answer it and nobody wants to hear that anyway. The piece of the meme that I thought I would take up here has to do with the meanest thing I've ever done. I've occasionally done some mean things I think and have tried to make amends as needed. However, with this one, the problem is that I'm not sure that it is really mean or just appropriate payback. I'll let you be the judge. MNMom, Cheesecake and Little Sister, I want you to weigh in here too since you know of whom I write.
Anyway, it is 1986 - 88 and I'm living in Iowa City. Cash machines must have been a relatively new concept because there didn't seem to be many around. The best one for students was on the main floor of the Capitol City mall and there was always always a long line between classes. It seemed that every time I got in line, so did a blind man- we'll call him Tim. Tim would find the end of the line- I don't know how he did it or how many people he beat with his cane on the way there- and stand back there and yell "I'M A BLIND MAN AND NEED TO GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE! I'M BLIND. WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE? IT TAKES ME LONGER TO GET TO CLASS AND I NEED TO GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE!"
Of course, being from a small town without a lot of exposure to people with disabilities, I let him go ahead of me the first time. After that it just got obnoxious and there were usually 4 or 5 people ahead of Tim who just stood there in uncomfortable silence. If there was no response, Tim would tap at the back of the line with his cane and if he didn't find a clear path to the ATM, he would shout "YOU'RE BEING VERY RUDE! I'M A BLIND MAN AND I NEED TO GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE! YOU'RE VERY RUDE!" At this point, people would try to reason and say "Hey, dude, we're all in a hurry and all need to wait our turn." Tim would yell back again about how rude we were and yelled until he eventually reached the ATM.
Well, it turned out that this wasn't the only place that Tim was working the blind angle. Oh no. The library, fast food restaurants, it was anywhere that Tim went. "I'M BLIND! YOU'RE RUDE! I'M BLIND!" Blah. Blah. Blah.
So, anyway, here's the mean part. After putting up with this for about a year, a few of us were driving through downtown Iowa City and who did we see but Tim, tapping his way down the sidewalk. Without thinking too hard about it, I rolled down my window and yelled, "Hey! Look out for the construction in front of you!" Tim tapped his cane a lot, yelled a little and went on his merry way. I am not proud. Was that so wrong?

Sunday Randomness

1. Sunday seems to be about the only time I have to blog any more. Or maybe the only time I make time. Facebook does suck up a bit of time, I must admit. Shame on me.

2. The curse of giant feet continues. I had to special order the cross country ski boots I wanted in a ridiculously large size and they still didn't fit. *sigh* Settled for a pair I didn't really want, but they'll have to do.

3. New celebrity crush: Jon Hamm. And no, Mindy, I'm not done yet with Hugh Jackman. You can't have him yet. Here is Jon Hamm:

4. Although I resisted at first, Facebook has been fun. For example, this weekend I had two great conversations with people I hadn't spoken to in years. This was a very good thing.

5. Since the pond heater isn't keeping up very well this winter for the birds, I bought a new heated bird batch and mounted it on our deck railing. It is a hit. So far the juncos, sparrows and starlings have found it.

6. After sleeping in until almost 8 a.m. (unheard of) I did virtually nothing today except feed the birds, scan in old pictures and finish Resident Evil 4. I haven't had a day like that in a long time. Didn't even leave the house.

7. I am so looking forward to our upcoming trip to Puerto Vallarta that it is becoming a distraction. I will likely get fired at work for checking the Puerto Vallarta web cam several times a day. Must stop this behavior.

8. I am realizing that if I wish to complete the 9th, 10th and 11th generations to my family genealogy project that it will probably take me the rest of my life and that's with reasonable cooperation from the strangers that are my 5th and 6th and 7th cousins. A legacy project perhaps, but I don't think anyone would care. Reconsidering.

9. I have a new co-worker who really bugs me. She sucks up to superiors in a really annoying way, then condescends to her peers. I want to tell her to grow up, but that would give her more reason to be a puke.

10. One more thing, would it be too much trouble for Mickey Rourke to at least appear to have showered before going to an awards show? Dang.

The Wedding Dress Is Back

This is my mom on my folk's wedding day on December 3, 1955. Look how cute she is. She was 25 when she and my dad were married. After the wedding, my mom put her dress into it's original Dayton's box where it stayed on a shelf in her closet. I remember seeing it once over the years when she was still around. Judging from the layer of dust on the box, I don't think it had seen the light of day for many, many years.
When we were cleaning out my parent's house this past summer, it appeared that none of my other siblings wanted the dress. So, being the secretly sentimental fool that I am, I put it on my list of things that I wanted from the estate. The dress was in pretty rough shape. The netting felt extremely brittle. The whole dress was stained yellow and brown from years spent in a non-acid free box and wrapped in blue tissue paper. The sequins were tarnished. The lace seemed very fragile.
So, I did some research and found a wedding gown restoration place nearby and took it in back in November. I think I wrote about crying all the way there and all the way back. What a mess. Anyway, just about two months later I get the call that it is ready. I had no idea what to expect, if any of it could even be salvaged. But, I picked it up yesterday and here it is. They did an AMAZING job. It is completely free of any discoloration. The netting and lace that I thought would dissolve are in wearable condition.
So, now the dress goes back into it's fresh acid free box with a 100 year guarantee against any discoloration. I have no idea what to do with it other than hold on to it for sentimental reasons. I probably spent more getting the dress restored than what my mom originally paid for it. I wonder if my folks are shaking their heads, thinking I should have spent my money more wisely or if they get it and appreciate the gesture. Probably a bit of both. I miss them.

My aching ass

Tonight I went night skiing at French Regional Park. It was cross country skiing or go to the gym. Skiing sounded like the lesser of two pains in the ass, so I picked that. It was pretty fabulous actually. It is a really clear night here, cold but not uncomfortable. Even on the lighted trails I could see the stars. Nice.
I'm a really novice skier. This was my third time in the last two weeks and before that it has been 26 years. So, anyway, I did the Lagoon Loop without any problems, climbed a hill and did one of the learning loops, the did the Lakeview Loop. Near the end of the Lakeview Loop, you get the option of skiing down a small hill to the recreation center directly or finishing the full loop. Finishing the full loop involves going down a good sized hill to the right then making a sharp left. Let's just say I didn't make it to the sharp left. I got going way too fast, panicked and sat down HARD on my butt. I don't know how it happened, but I swear my butt cheeks magically separated to expose my tail bone to the universe and down I went. It was one of those where I could feel it in my gut and gave me a brief sensation where I questioned whether I had pooped in my pants. (This is a theme, isn't it MnMom?) You know what I'm talking about? Anway, I walked it off and headed back to the rec center on foot. I will suffer for this tomorrow. Pray for my ass.

Ta ta

While I am thrilled that another administration will soon be running the country, I have to say that I am still just better than luke warm about Obama. Yes, I think he's really smart. Yes, I think he'll be able to make some much needed change. Yes, he gave a fabulous acceptance speech in Grant Park. Yes, I think his wife is pretty and his daughters are cute. Yes, he will try to unite the country.
That last part might be what makes me a little luke warm now that I think about it. The sane, respectful side of is saying that it is great and about time that we have someone who will respect the views of everyone, even when they disagree. The dark, wa-wa-baby side of me is thinking "Wouldn't it be great to have a democratic president and congress that will just come in and piss all over effigies of George Bush and Dick Cheney on their first day of business and treat the other side in the way that we've been treated for the last 8 years? Wouldn't it?" We've taken a lot of abuse in the last 8 years. We were dismissed wholesale by the "winning team." We were accused of not being patriotic at any hint of dissension. The economy is on its knees. Friends are struggling financially. Our reputation around the world is shit. Our civil rights are threatened. And yet, we are supposed to rise above.
There was an editorial in my home town paper a few weeks back from a freak who said that Obama would never be his president. He signed his name. I'm fairly certain that I could do a little research and find editorials he's written accusing Dems of being unpatriotic for disagreeing with the asshole in chief throughout the last 8 years. What would HE say if I accused him of being unpatriotic for not supporting the president of USA!? USA! Fucker. But, I will rise above and not harass this ass hat. I always seem to manage, however bitter it is.

Unday Say Andom Ray Oughts Thay

1. The benevolent C and I took a cross country ski lesson at French Regional Park yesterday. Glorious day, for winter. During the instruction about using our poles (ski poles, Scott), we were instructed to fully extend our arms and lean our weight into the poles. The instructor asked "Now, where are you feeling the tension?" No one answered. C then responded, "In my butt?" The correct answer was shoulders. I can't take her anywhere, and yet everywhere could be fun.

2. We've been having robin sightings in our yard. It's January. I guess some robins will hang around marshes during the winter, and there is one near by. However, I've also read that many of the hangers-on will die. So, Michael to the rescue. I run out and buy $45 worth of freeze dried mealworms, rush out to the yard, sprinkle some on the ground near the feeders, sprinkle some on the ground near the pond and turn around to see our dog Claire gleefully gobbling them up under the feeders. No kisses for you, naughty girl.

3. My butt hurts today from #1 above but I think is about a full 2 inches higher in elevation. If I keep this up, I might have a nice ass by springtime under all my fat.

4. I'm trying to get Curt to sign up on Facebook, but need a better sales pitch. So far it has included "It is completely stupid, but kind of fun." That one didn't work. How else would you describe it?

5. On Facebook, my brother asked one of his friends about her profile picture like this "How are you suppose to attract men if you've got this "Damn. my dildo broke again" look on your face?" Should I use this as propaganda to attract Curt to Facebook? I tried. He still hasn't signed up but was deeply amused by my brother.

6. Chastising MNMom's teens for their Facebook grammar has, I'm sure, quickly made me their most popular friend. But, really, don't you have to speak up when someone writes "JC is blaaaa Sunday" or "MC is paranoia runs deep." ?? My god, it's an outrage. I may lose my first Facebook friends, but probably not my last. Must consult that damn Carnegie book again.

7. I finally purchased tickets to the touring version of Spring Awakening. I've been enjoying the sound track for a while now. Mostly though, I just love Duncan Sheik. He is fine and talented- a splendid combination.

8. I resisted the urge to clean again today. Who am I kidding? I have no urge to clean. I just didn't clean again. Need to improve in this area.

Please try harder

After work, I'm flipping through some entertainment news on the web (because the Israel-Palestine-Gaza mess isn't uplifting enough) and saw the headline "Former Mousketeer Dies." Immediately I think that Annette Funicello has finally kicked the beach ball. So my morbid curiosity gets the best of me and I follow the link. No, it wasn't Annette, it wasn't Cubby, it was a minor Mouseketeer named Cheryl- Cheryl Holdridge to be exact. Okay. It's sad and she seems to have married some interesting men in her post mouse life and her memorial is all going well until I read this thoughtful tribute:

"She certainly was a very pretty blond and just had a very winning personality," said Lorraine Santoli, author of "The Official Mickey Mouse Club Book" and a former Disney publicist.

First off, I can see why she's a former Disney publicist.

Secondly, could she have said anything else to completely defrock this woman of any accomplishments or of having a life at all?

When I die, I sure as hell hope that each one of you will have a thoughtful thing or two to say at my funeral and to the press, just in case they ask. If, in fact, any of you are tempted to eulogize me by saying "He certainly had brown hair, was chubby and thought he was funny" please reconsider. I will haunt you. I will. And I hope poor Cheryl with the winning personality is doing so for that Lorraine bitch about now.

Me and the Benevolent C

I don't know exactly what goes wrong or how, but it seems that very nearly every day my employee C the benevolent and I end up off topic. Way off topic. Today for example, we started in on some detailed work around compensation planning and quickly found ourselves talking about gas. Not the kind you pump, well sort of, but the kind I more fondly like to think of by the name of a company that used to exist in my home town- People's Natural Gas. (Fortunately, they were bought out by another larger company and took their name.) She told me of a particularly gassy co-worker whose farts she described as hot, heavy and skin blistering. I told her the men's room smells like this all the time and she shouldn't be surprised.
We then devolved into our ever favorite topic- fetus in fetu followed quickly by conjoined twins. She told me about a documentary she'd seen recently about a two headed girl going to get her driver's license and that both girls had to pass the test. I pondered whether they could use the car pool lane. (This girl[s] apparently lives here in the Twin Cities area and my friend G, who was her/their neighbor, and I had a similar conversation about this girl years ago when we wondered if an employer could pay them one salary instead of two and what might happen when one got fired.) Anyway, we then briefly turned on our empathy and thought about what it must be like when conjoined twins disagree and how decisions are made when one wants to do something the other is opposed to. I told her that if she and I were conjoined, I would just go completely limp and let her drag my fat ass around to whatever it was she wanted to do. I think she said she'd slap me. We then stood up and tried to figure out how we would get through our upcoming cross country ski lesson on three legs. It was a productive 15 minutes at work. I am a hideous example of a boss.

Defranco who?

I ended up dragging my lazy ass to the gym after what seems like a long time away. Part of it has been that I've been sick more or less since getting back from El Salvador at the end of October (I have been to the gym since, thank you) and the other part is that I hate going out in the cold and dark and other such excuses for not going. Wah wah wah. So I went and about 25 minutes into my cardio who appears on the video monitor but frickin' Stevie Nicks singing Stand Back. How great is that? Twirl, Stevie, Twirl! I love her. You knew that but it seems to bear repeating every time she comes up. But, Stevie wasn't the whole point of this post, or didn't start out to be, so I'll move on.

On the way home, I'm flipping through the channels on satellite radio because that obnoxious Phil Collins is singing on 80's at 8 and some Sugar Ray song is on 90's on 9. So, I flip to the 70's on 7 and who do you suppose is playing but the Defranco Family. Yes, the Defranco Family singing Heartbeat It's a Love Beat. Remember that? I most definitely had that 45 because Tony was dreamy and they had some moves on American Bandstand. So, out of morbid curiosity, I Google the Defranco Family. I half expected to see a series of tragic stories about how one was crushed under a horse and another was bludgeoned by an obsessed fan and another was a lonely drunk with a big gut terrorizing neighbors by masturbating in the picture window as their kids stand at the bus stop. But, no, I was denied my train wreck and got THIS instead. Can you believe it? An entire web site with MP3s and all and a store on the way. And they still do gigs? Be sure to watch the VH1 video to see some of their moves. I love it. There is about 2 seconds where you see Tony doing some robot moves. Hot? Not.

So, this is how I waste my free time when I could be cleaning. Now you know.

Random Sunday-ness

1. Despite my best intentions to get 7-8 hours of sleep I woke up at about 4:00 a.m. after having gone to bed at 11:00 *sigh*

2. Because of #1, my upper left eyelid has been twitching all day. It is visible to onlickers onlookers, making me appear a little shifty and off balance. This could work to my advantage somewhere, but where?

3. Yesterday at 4:00 p.m. we stepped out of the house to find my car covered in ice. Freezing rain. Instead of canceling plans to pick up our friend Marina and go to the casino, we scraped the ice off the car and set out in the freezing rain. Dumb. No accidents, not even close, but dumb, dumb dumb. I did leave the casino up slightly. Nice.

4. I have been entering genealogical data- 500 persons so far- into the latest version of Family Tree Maker and have been able to find source data for about half the records. My thought has been to get the Larson family history (my paternal grandma) updated to the present day. The most recent history goes to 1972, so I'm only about two generations behind. Is it worth it? Hmmm. Lots of work. Hmmmm. Still pondering. Does anyone my age in the family care about this?

5. #4 is what I woke up thinking about at 4:00 a.m. I was a little haunted before going to bed by a story about a distant relative who lost several small children to diphtheria and buried them two at a time in the same casket. Note to self: no "light" reading just before bed time while your empathy is turned on.

6. As it relates to #4 above, it seems that I am somehow related to just about everyone I know from my hometown in one way or another. It is fortunate that I'm gay because it lessens the chance that a pinhead baby with the banjo gene will come forward from my breeding efforts. Whew.

7. For weeks, have been alternately craving hot & sour soup and/or rommegrot. For the uninitiated, rommegrot consists of cooked cream, flour, butter and sugar- a fabulous Norwegian comfort food- at least now. In the old days it was a subsistence type meal and you didn't get the sugar. I've been choosing hot & sour soup only because there is not a restaurant in sight that has rommegrot. This is better for my arteries, I know, but rommegrot is damn tasty. Damn tasty.

8. Sunday seems to be crock pot dinner day at our house. Last week, made Iowa cut pork chops with veggies, the week before chicken chili (yum). This week, beef stew. I even have a loaf of sourdough rising right now. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I kneaded it myself. I let the bread maker do that. I hear the collective *gasp!* from the bread purists. No shame. I accept no shame for this. Raspberry to you.

9. The Minnesota Vikings are in their first playoff game in 8 years at 3:30 today. The best we can hope for is that they don't suck. But, they do kind of suck, so we can hope they don't suck as much at least.

10. I am on the Facebook now. I don't get it, but I do get to see randomness posted by others. Is that the point?

Taco? No, I'll have a burrito instead.

Driving back from lunch just now, this song came on 80's at 8. I hadn't given this tune much thought in years and it probably should have stayed that way. Perhaps this will get stuck in your head too. Pay special attention to the guys in black face. I didn't think anyone could get away with that after about 1968. But I guess kooky Germans named after a Mexican dish could do so up until about, well, the release of this video and probably not much after.
I can't recall if I loved this song or was annoyed by it in the 80's. I know I loved Rock Me Amadeus, so who knows?

How Did You Find Me?

I love to occasionally comb through my visitor logs from the various site meters that I use. One of the things I find most interesting is the searches that people use to find my blog. I've always said that when you visit me you can let your mind run free and unencumbered by anything resembling real thought. These accidental visitors have obviously found that to be the case as well because few of them have stayed longer than 10 seconds.

Here is a list of the search criteria used within the last two weeks with which you can find my humble blog if you are ever in a pinch. In some instances I have indicated the location out of curiosity. I have also added links to some of the posts that they found.

1. "it wasn't me I swear" film
2. Kelly Jean Ohl
3. Littlecrossdresser.com (Eugene, OR)
4. lisa the stripper on americas next top model
5. gays boys wears in winter (Egypt)
6. pacman mutation
7. popular coats for teenage boys
8. fashion for teenage boys
9. "america's next top model" kitchen utensils
10. characteristics of Christmas (Nigeria)
11. it wasn't me I swear
12. teenage boys fashion
13. i hate "sound of music"
14. fashionable jacket for 12 year old boy
15. Bristol Palin
16. characteristics of gay teenage boys
17. Unitards
18. teen boy coats
19. Toni Tenniel (misspelled by searcher in Indiana and in the comments section. Travesty.)
20. sexiest man characteristic
21. hate the sound of music
22. 5 traits of Scrooge

Post Script:

#3 concerns me a little. If there is some big pervert out in Eugene, OR masturbating to my girlish little 10 year old self, then I say "Eeewwwwwww. Get a frickin' real hobby and quit trying to look up my skirt."

I'm thrilled to know that others out there hate the Sound of Music enough to google "hate the sound of music"

#22 is worth a re-read if only to see Melinda June say "Parumpafuckingpum" in her comments.

And, of course, #20 is always worth a look.

At Last A New Year

Welcome, 2009!

I'm looking forward to a new year. I no longer have parents, so I'm pretty certain I won't be surprised by a parental passing again this year. So, really, it can only get better than 2008.

That's not to say that I didn't have a good year with great travels, great friends, another great gardening year, great pooches, a great partner and a reasonably great job. My dad's death over shadowed the last half of the year is all. I guess that is natural. I miss him.

The other day I was watching a video of my sister's wedding from 1990 just to see my parents in action. At one point in the receiving line there was a gap in the handshaking and I could see my dad make eye contact with someone across the room and make some goofy face that appeared to involve rolling his eyes. He was never one for the kind of formality of getting into a tuxedo and graciously shaking hand after hand. He kindly did it for each of my sisters, but I'm guessing he didn't enjoy a second of it. I also was able to hear my mom on the video. I miss her voice and her laugh. *sigh*

I've got a lot to look forward to in 2009. I just accepted a new position at work starting the middle of January. It is a lateral move, but will expand my knowledge of the company ten fold and give me something a little different to do. After five years doing roughly the same thing, I'm ready for a change.

We're also planning more travel this year. In February, we're going back to Puerto Vallarta with Curt's sister and her new love thang. He's 55 but really damn cute. We'll have to keep an eye on him so he doesn't get stolen when we go on Diana's big gay boat cruise. For August, we just booked a 13 day European cruise. We booked on Norwegian cruise lines, but I was puzzled by the fact that there were no bunads, rosemaling or lefse bars to be found on the online photo gallery. What gives with that? (Anyone want to join us? So far it's just Curt and me.) I'm also going to apply to lead a Habitat build in El Salvador this year.

So, do I have any resolutions for this year? Hmmmmm. I'm not going to vow to lose weight, though I'll try. I have resolved though to spend more time with family, particularly my aunts on my mom's side. I am also committing to making use of my embarassingly large fabric stash, to include some quilts for Lutheran World Relief. My mom used to make quilts with her circle at church for them. So, I figure that with all my bounty of fabric I should at least contribute a few.

I'm rambling aimlessly. My best wishes to each of you for a happy and healthy new year!